(Monday, November 24, 2008-)
+6:23 AM]*
+6:23 AM]*
# -
hopefully my mom will let me go to mr TAM ZHAO XUAN's house tmr to stay over cause i am in serious need of drinks.
it is said that the legendary absolut vanilla coupled with hello panda can knock you over. Literally and Figuratively. Which is scary cause ZX was talking to me one day over the phone when suddenly he couldnt draw any air and was like making lotsa shitty sounds over the phone, i was so prepared to call 995 for him.
mm but yes, i need such stuff. alcohol makes you forget yourself and live in your own world, but it gives beer bellies, which is so unthinkably unwanted :X and running wont make it go away, thats the worst part. Best thing will be that i'll tire myself so badly, meet him after his prom(which is so freaking early) cause he's not going post prom and then i'll head to his house and we'll crash and burn. Maybe rent a few movies to watch, but hopefully, we wont become so dead drunk that we ass rape one another. fuckthats the worst thing that could happen :\
i am a virgin.
i do not wanna get ass raped.
i dont wanna lose my virginity to a guy.
no.
not tam zhao xuan.
NO SAUCER NIPS.
hahahahah im a fucking asshole and i know it all too well.
anyway, i reinstalled gunbound and i got addicted slightly to it again, but its a pity its too mild for me to go crazy over. ahahaha but yanzhang's gonna kill me for coping his items again. lawl.
yesternight i finished watching katekyo hitman reborn and i enjoyed spoiling the ENTIRE story for nick over the phone even though he was reluctant to listen to me. but now i saved his time from watching, no? hahaha fucker.
and i found the tutorials to play the hitman song online but the bugger didnt mail me back, how infuriating.
you know, sometimes having siblings at home that know too much about you gets very irritating.
here i have a brother, this little bugger, who walks around and mentions stuff that appears interesting to him, but at the same time reminds me of a past i dont wanna go over again. today it got so bad i had to pull him by his shirt and warn him to never ever fucking talk about that again.
yes i know yes i know its over, its long over and i should move on i should find something else i should open myself up again i should stop caring i should stop giving a damn and everything?
hey guys.
its not that easy to forget and move on.
when you get numbed to the pain,
and when you feel the knife stabbing you but no blood comes out,
theres no sharp pain,
theres not even the prickling feeling
nor the trickle of warm blood.
this time,
the blade's not sharp.
its blunt,
and pain becomes no longer a one off thing,
it comes long term.
when the shock factor and pain begins to dull,
the blade dulls too.
and i just wanna say,
its getting worse.
whats this feeling,
when i rather die in one stroke,
then have to live on in slow never-ending pain.
in love,
is there any form of euthanasia available,
except the common substitute of putting up a strong front?
i shall put up my smiley face for as long as i can,
and when i finally break down,
i'll hide myself from the world.
xinyi if youre reading this,
i totally agree with you.
i'm hopelessly in love,
and i have no idea what is driving me in life,
in love,
and in everything that i do,
anymore.
all the best with your love life,
for mine's definitely not the way i wanted it to be.
but please still tell me if you and don get together,
i'll still have lotsa space in my head to be happy for you :D
i know its possible to do something purely for myself and so on,
but in it,
we cannot deny the existence of that impurity in my thinking,
the side which wants to care for her and be there for her,
all the time.
ah well.
tomorrow i shall wake up,
with a smile on my face,
a light hearted attitude,
and a side which everyone will be happy to see.
the optimistic melvin,
the worry-less melvin,
and best of all,
the good ol melvin.
the pain shall be hidden well,
deep under that smile,
deep under that happy-go-lucky side of me.
you'll never know how bad it is, inside :)
would you hate me,
if i said that all this time,
i never did stop loving you?
i still love you,
you never stopped being the baby in my heart.
and i still hold on to that hope that one day,
you'll give me that one more chance to pull on your heartstrings,
and open your heart to mine
once again,
just like the day you lay your head on my shoulder,
on that warm lovely night of 11/10/07.
<3
i love.
it is said that the legendary absolut vanilla coupled with hello panda can knock you over. Literally and Figuratively. Which is scary cause ZX was talking to me one day over the phone when suddenly he couldnt draw any air and was like making lotsa shitty sounds over the phone, i was so prepared to call 995 for him.
mm but yes, i need such stuff. alcohol makes you forget yourself and live in your own world, but it gives beer bellies, which is so unthinkably unwanted :X and running wont make it go away, thats the worst part. Best thing will be that i'll tire myself so badly, meet him after his prom(which is so freaking early) cause he's not going post prom and then i'll head to his house and we'll crash and burn. Maybe rent a few movies to watch, but hopefully, we wont become so dead drunk that we ass rape one another. fuckthats the worst thing that could happen :\
i am a virgin.
i do not wanna get ass raped.
i dont wanna lose my virginity to a guy.
no.
not tam zhao xuan.
NO SAUCER NIPS.
hahahahah im a fucking asshole and i know it all too well.
anyway, i reinstalled gunbound and i got addicted slightly to it again, but its a pity its too mild for me to go crazy over. ahahaha but yanzhang's gonna kill me for coping his items again. lawl.
yesternight i finished watching katekyo hitman reborn and i enjoyed spoiling the ENTIRE story for nick over the phone even though he was reluctant to listen to me. but now i saved his time from watching, no? hahaha fucker.
and i found the tutorials to play the hitman song online but the bugger didnt mail me back, how infuriating.
you know, sometimes having siblings at home that know too much about you gets very irritating.
here i have a brother, this little bugger, who walks around and mentions stuff that appears interesting to him, but at the same time reminds me of a past i dont wanna go over again. today it got so bad i had to pull him by his shirt and warn him to never ever fucking talk about that again.
yes i know yes i know its over, its long over and i should move on i should find something else i should open myself up again i should stop caring i should stop giving a damn and everything?
hey guys.
its not that easy to forget and move on.
when you get numbed to the pain,
and when you feel the knife stabbing you but no blood comes out,
theres no sharp pain,
theres not even the prickling feeling
nor the trickle of warm blood.
this time,
the blade's not sharp.
its blunt,
and pain becomes no longer a one off thing,
it comes long term.
when the shock factor and pain begins to dull,
the blade dulls too.
and i just wanna say,
its getting worse.
whats this feeling,
when i rather die in one stroke,
then have to live on in slow never-ending pain.
in love,
is there any form of euthanasia available,
except the common substitute of putting up a strong front?
i shall put up my smiley face for as long as i can,
and when i finally break down,
i'll hide myself from the world.
xinyi if youre reading this,
i totally agree with you.
i'm hopelessly in love,
and i have no idea what is driving me in life,
in love,
and in everything that i do,
anymore.
all the best with your love life,
for mine's definitely not the way i wanted it to be.
but please still tell me if you and don get together,
i'll still have lotsa space in my head to be happy for you :D
i know its possible to do something purely for myself and so on,
but in it,
we cannot deny the existence of that impurity in my thinking,
the side which wants to care for her and be there for her,
all the time.
ah well.
tomorrow i shall wake up,
with a smile on my face,
a light hearted attitude,
and a side which everyone will be happy to see.
the optimistic melvin,
the worry-less melvin,
and best of all,
the good ol melvin.
the pain shall be hidden well,
deep under that smile,
deep under that happy-go-lucky side of me.
you'll never know how bad it is, inside :)
would you hate me,
if i said that all this time,
i never did stop loving you?
i still love you,
you never stopped being the baby in my heart.
and i still hold on to that hope that one day,
you'll give me that one more chance to pull on your heartstrings,
and open your heart to mine
once again,
just like the day you lay your head on my shoulder,
on that warm lovely night of 11/10/07.
<3
i love.
the story ends like this;
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