' | aXiomaTicaL | ... life sucks =)

2009-01-01T06:26:00.001-08:00

i've relinked to http://www.lifewithoutheory.blogspot.com :)

2008-12-30T19:47:00.000-08:00

we fight we break up
we kiss we make up.

if its love we're talking about here,
i never stopped.

2008-12-23T02:23:00.000-08:00

today was,

busy, tiring, eventful, and unfinished :D

firstly, in the morning i lost my job. Well, its not exactly lost, but more of like cause i was too ahead of time, they ran out of stuff for me to do, so my work contract ended. i was asked to head home. haha. cute right. 8am, i clocked in. Then i head to pantry to eat my beehoon. Eat until damn full, then go back sit there shake leg. Boss walks in, pats me on shoulder and says, "sorry young man, no more work for you to handle, thanks for coming man. " lol, dad had to pick me from the company there.

Went around trying to fix the psp, ended up in ZX's house (god knows why). and amazingly, someone else was there! im not naming names, but hey, its too obvious already haha. and that bugger refuses to let me join hall sixteen team, cause of idk what integrity. To hell with integrity or whatever your values are. Cant you let this eighteen year old(yes im proud of finally being 18) have some fun? *shakes head*, old people nowadays ah, stubborn like log! hahaha.

then around 1 plus, mum called, said she book badminton court liao. And being the typical rash bastard i am, i jitao say, okay la steady book 3 hours. My cousin and his mom came also, then i went straight from bukitpanjang there to sengkang courts. NEHNEH. damn tired pls. got people challenge us somemore hahahah.

i just finished bathing, and in 10 minutes, im gonna set off for training at potong pasir. After training, im gonna eat dinner, and set off for NTU Hall 16 for coaching. That side training until 2 plus 3. Cab home with xinyi around 4 plus, then gym with nick at 830.

pls ah. my name is now superman soh. i have no idea how to make it through so many programs.

even though the day is not over, i can already conclude by now, that i am too chiong and too rash. Anyhow go around say steady here steady there, End up my leg in one pot of sai.

WELL DONE SUPERMAN.

off to training! :)

2008-12-22T08:20:00.000-08:00

basically, im too busy to post anything at all, and work has blocked youtube, imeem, blogger and so on, basically all the fun stuff, including ebuddy, msn and even friendster or facebook. :(

yesternight's denvers xmas party was really quite fun , hahaha and i have no idea why there was a photo which made my chest look BIG hahaha. but no complaints man who cares i know im fit :P but aye, at least im smiling more in photos! Work has been rather, if not, very busy. And Hall Sixteen and Denvers too, but at least it keeps me alive, like im feeling better and better as life goes on? and pam you were right, denvers does make me feel more at home then anywhere else. I'm not regretting my choice :)

Just got back from Hall Sixteen, the taxi uncle was telling me about ghosts in jalan bahar, somewhere nearby NTU, and he took the wrong turn. I bet he was trying to keep me talking to see if i was a ghost or not :P hahah but then again, who knows ?

I have toooooo many things not updated, too many stuff unsaid and everything else left hanging in my brain. haha, and chalet day's truth or dare was an eye-opener, a big fat gossip session, too bad to those who missed it! Sorry guys, if i were to blog about every single interesting thing that happened, i'd be late for work tmr :D meet me, i'll tell you all about it! ^^

things have been moving insanely fast these days, i feel that life is passing me by, but aye with denvers, with hall sixteen, and with all my wonderful friends, everything feels alright again :)

training tmr! i wanna wanna wanna master toss to hands.

wish me luck readers.

P.S. chalet/xmas party photos all up on facebook! :D

2008-12-17T01:36:00.000-08:00

chalet now! :D

and charlene already left for hongkong! :(

hahaha but aye, at least we're mailing each other ^^

im alone with JY in the chalet now, and we kinda like bought lotsa stuff to grill and steamboat and everything hahahahah. aye, wish many of you were here too! the rest'll be arriving at 7, so i hope tonight will be tons and tons of fun :)

aye, cant blog much, but do take care of yourelf in hongkong; stay warm and safe! cant wait to have you back in singapore again haha! byeeeeeeee! :D

2008-12-13T10:03:00.000-08:00

we watched the day the earth stood still today :)

it was quite a nice movie, if not for the dumbass spheres that they kept showing over and over again. And like the usual plot, keanu reeves saved earth from destruction!

and i cannot help but agree with charlene that keanu reeves is handsome and the female lead(idk what her name is) has totally sweet eyes :D

we played a little arcade today and even though SOMEONE proclaimed to be damn good at bishibashi, i owned until she had no more lives left and even came over to play my side (which she promptly lost too) and we played basketball, hahaha this was the worst game of my life cause the balls totally not synchro and little miss had to stand there and stare at the hoop cause she wanted to know if her ball went is. 23% accuracy! hey i can do better alone please! hahah but today was undeniably fun, although we spent lots of dumb time talking while waiting for the movie to start and everything, but its at least 5 hours well spent :)

concert was good, i have an encore on monday! feels good to be back on track again! although i kinda feel quite cheated and like played with, im absolutely happy about my life now. Fuck all of that,i totally knew some people were like that, its just that i refused to believe. this is wad you get when you love too much and it blinds you. hahahaha what the fuck this is not emo i swear this is totally just the old me :D

charlene's leaving for Hong Kong for two weeks holiday and we'll be out of contact for two weeks! :( hahaha and guess what she asked me first when i met her today. "eh i going overseas liao leh you will miss me or not?" HAHAHA MY DEAR CHARLENE YOU ARE SO DIRECT AND IT IS SUCH A SENSITIVE THING YOU SHOULDNT ASK IT IN MY FACE! its just like the hmm, (quote on your blog) :P Even if i would miss you i wouldnt say out leh im a guy i must maintain cool front how can like zhabor like that nua nua and say yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and T.T

hahahahahah. alrights that was stupid :\ charlene met her erhem right after our movie and i left for training! today was gymnastics and dance day. We cheorographed our dance for the '09 nationals already and its fucking fast and looks so ahbeng! i can totally imagine ourself like saying out the 369 or kuntong cheer lor hahahhaa. and the music kept repeating the adrenaline rush was so crazy and it felt so good if i didnt go stop the music i bet we'd stay overnight dancing hahahaha.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! feels good to be busy :D most of the denvers people can come for the chalet and im ELATE:D hahaha. but they'll all only be able to make it at night after 6 eh. see if i can jio anyone out or anyone to come over accompany me before the rest come lor. lol.

maybe we're going to watch twilight on monday :D hopefully i'll be free after work and performance then we can go watch it in the evening ^^ then after that i'll rush down to Hall 16 CHEER! whee its quite exciting actually :) i have no idea if sharon will be staying, but i hope she does cause i'll need to bathe and she can lend me her asience shampoo hehehe

and we missed kbox session tonight cause we were all dancing and eating and gossiping. my inner self is a very badly uncouth and unsopisticated and uncultured ahbeng. you dont wanna befriend me, no you dont ^-^

P.S. anyway i forgot to add that sharon swung too back during dance and hit my right eye so now i look pretty normal with 2 extremely dark eyes, just like eyeshadow, au natural hahahah.

wait, what should i relink too?

2008-12-11T18:52:00.000-08:00

melvin says:

hey guys, for those who've been asking, sorry for not updating!

but i suppose i wont be updating so often anymore. Basically speaking, im working at this company doing data entry from 8 to 6 on mondays to fridays and i've also taken up coaching for NTU hall 16, trainings are on monday, wed and thurs from 8 to 1am.

besides that, there's always still denvers training on tuesdays, fridays and saturdays so i'll wind up leaving house at 645 and reaching home at around 1 plus am from mondays to friday.

i always end up really tired and so, sorry guys.

i know work is boring, but it keeps my mind off very many things, which i refuse to reveal and which generally all of you who've been following my posts for the past 2 months should know very well. and it brings in money too :) it feels good to be responsible for something again, like Hall 16 and the sales sheets entries.

if you wanna meet me, i'll only be free on sat mornings and sunday. (:

and melvin owes charlene a treat. (:

- thanks charlene :)

P.S. i'll still be posting, but alot lesser, and i may even ask charlene to help me type if out cause my office computer blocked blogger :\ but no matter what, i owe her no treat :)

IM PERFORMING TOMORRRRRRRROW! NO MORE RECITALS ITS THE REAL THING! HOPE I DONT SCREW UP :D (INDEED, FAST FINGERS SHOULD BE USED FOR PIANO MORE INSTEAD OF DATA-ENTRY :P)

2008-12-09T08:45:00.000-08:00

you have no idea how tired i am!

aching triceps from gym yesterday,
and today the lib high pop twist totally killed my forearms.
holy cow i didnt even have the energy to enjoy my mcwings.

we were talking about pick-up lines and who got picked up before and so on. It was damn freaking funny but as i said, I AM TIRED. haha too bad, but aye you just have to know, the joke was on sharon hahaha :D

i finally did cartwheel properly today, and i still cant tuck my backtuck properly :( whereas the 2 new guys learnt freaking fast pls. i totally cannot, i repeat CANNOT accept this. and throughout training the only thing that kept me going was those idiots. they kept calling out this asshole's name, and cause i really hate that guy and all i was like so pumped up. i ate the sponge mattress so many times i didnt even feel like eating dinner please. hahahaha but sharon owed me dinner!

in the end i paid for myself and even lent mr tam the fucker 5 bucks. He's like always broke eh. totally cannot stand him hahahaha.

BB said if i can extend sharon today, she'll do lib or single base with me on friday, whichever i want :D hahaha totally made me extend sharon, but aye, it was super wobbly probably from all that tiredness from pop twist.

i cannot be emo about my back tuck!
no emo-ing, if you emo i zham you.
i need to zham myself please.
here i wanna improve asap but i cant get anything right laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

i hate my genes. (for backtuck)
but i love my genes for picking up single base faster than brandan!
no room to be cocky,
i am totally willing to be humble and eat my own shit. haahhaha

right now im getting very tired my eyes are drooping and everything, i should go sleep now.

bye world :)

2008-12-08T05:34:00.000-08:00

me and nick were supposed to have a job interview at 230 today, which was changed to 7pm, and cancelled again and changed to tomorrow. how infuriating.

aye i was supposed to wake up for gym at 10, but i overslept. in the end, we made it to sengkang gym at close to 1pm. im super off form, but i still beat nick at bench press! hey, with big moobs comes big power please. and i dont mean the zhaoxuan kind. haha im such a mother-fucker and even when i know it im still being one :\

did lotsa chest exercises and triceps and biceps and a little teeny weeny bit of leg exercises. my hands were shaking so badly pushups became a problem, lol. and then we went to compass for lunch. At first we went to BK, and the new quadruple layer burger had the word "BALLSY" under it. i was so taunting nick with like, "eh eat this and grow balls lah." haha.

after that we headed to his house, purely cause i wanted to see who his crush is! haha and he was like, wait i find a nicer one for you to see. She's from dragonboat, and hell she has broad shoulders :O but overall, its not that bad :) ended up, nick's dad asked me to stay for dinner and we watched The Maid on his comp. Nick's a total pussy at horror movies, and here i thought i was one. hahaha everytime the music goes tensiony he'll bury his head in the bolster. but i must admit some parts made us jump! :X hahahah.

and im finally home now, lotsa stuff happened along the way today it was quite a funny day. the rest i can skip, but this i cant leave out. Sharon went jogging, and she turned the wrong turn and ended up jogging for 1 hour hahahahaha and she was complaining about all the indians? she's freaking racist. haha and i finally found the weighted earrings in maple for her. LOL. see if later im tired, if not i'll log in and pass to her. maple has an unusual charm on me again i should be worried about my intellect levels :X

alright maybe we'll be swimming tmr with nick wh and yy :)

hopefully my performance tomorrow at the studio will be good. wish me luck guys ^^

till tomorrow, i'll leave off here.

P.S. i feel healthy! hahahah.

2008-12-07T08:26:00.001-08:00

went for steamboat dinner with the team :D

actually i have no idea what kinda dinner it was. it had steamboat, bbq, hotplate, and buffet cooked food and dessert everything in one package. and all for only around 20 bucks!

we were supposed to meet at 6.15, but apparently my piano recitals ended earlier so i reached novena at like 6. and BB told me the steamboat place had aircon so i didnt go home to change out of my long sleeve shirt and jeans. Apparently it was so packed that we had time to queue up and wait till xinyi and hakim arrived which was around 7. AND WE DIDNT GET TO SIT IN THE AIRCON AREA. we had to sit like in the open. freaking warm please. luckily JY went to buy lotsa tissues and i had fun cleaning sweat lol.

pam arrived with brandan around 7plus, hahaha and pam insisted on sitting beside me instead of at the end of the table hahaha ended up poor hakim got displaced. hahaha but serves you right you smokeyass. hahaha smoke somemore la. eat dinner also stress lol.

no pain no gain,
no smoke no die.

you better cut down la hakim. you turn 18 on 12th dec and you still underage smoke until so song. nabei if i had an older face like yours i totally would smoke too hahaha. joking lol.

and throughout the whole damn dinner it was just sweating and cooking and walking around and eating hahahaha. didnt talk much we were too engrossed with cooking and hiding all the leftovers so we dont get shitted on by the surcharge for food wastage. but it was quite cooooolios anyway. dumping live prawns and watching them curl up and go cranky. hahaha.

aye after dinner YQ BB and xinyi had to leave to NTU to coach some hall cheer. their training is like 10-1am hahahah thats quite crazy. i wanted to tag along, but i'll probably die somewhere along the way. plus tmr i have job interviews and gym sessions. time to work out time to get strong time to show the world what i can do! :D

in the end we didnt have anywhere to hang out cause sharon didnt wanna come meet us. so we took victor's transport all the way to bishan where i took 156 home. hahaha. my phone almost ran out of batt on the way its so dumb to have lousy phones with lousy batt strength bleah i need to get it repaired soon.

anyway i think i forgot to mention this, but im not going overseas already guys! meaning i can join training on tuesday, and friday and even the games day on saturday! :D cant bear to miss even one training with you guys. lets go for nationals as a team, denvers ^^

i would very much like to upload our perf video but its 64mb i have no idea how freaking long it'll take omg. hahaha. cant wait for tuesday, aziz please perfect our single base on tuesday i cant wait to improve faster faster faster :D

anyway i've been recieving dumb suggestions for my new link like, how about "inaxiomatical" or emokiddo or jitaoman. bleah guys i want a COOL name hahahaha not some lameo with the O name! :X

i just realised how bad my eyebags look in pictures. anyone has a way to get rid of them? plus my bloody blackeye i look like a panda. i hate my face. thats where my ground-bottom self-confidence comes from. (now you know why, so stop saying im super confident!)

thanks again guys for all the encouragement yesterday, i will become stronger for myself and for the sake of the team, lets lead the way, all the way! :D

p.s. im sorry for yesternight, i still always want the best for you and all the best in whatever you wanna strive for. i know you have lotsa friends to back you up, but just so you know, i'll always be one of the people who support you,and i'll be cheering for you. so do your best! we'll always be behind you :D

2008-12-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

PLAY-ON @ VIVOCITY

so many pics i have no idea which to post.

shall post only the ones i chooooose.

before that, i realised my face looks FAT. thanks to whoever (i think its aziz) cause you took my picture from below and it made me look fat. like fatter then ZHAOXUAN which is EXtreme with the EX.

but now im still receiving the pics from joanne through sharing folders and its taking really Looooooong. shall post the pics up tmr.

but everything went well today, and im no longer a denvers virgin! :D

first performance was damn good experience for me. compared to what i experienced in SA, its very very much difference. i was damn worried before the performance, like stunts problems and everything, but ALL STUNTS UP GUYS. good job! (to me also) hehehehe.

after the performance we were like playing stunts and everyth, and i have an even greater motivation to learn my backtuck now. (btw the kick in my face from backtuck yesterday resulted in a very obvious blue black at the corner of my eye now and it looks like smudged eyeshadow). everyone was doing backtuck and taking videos :( i couldnt join in!

i need to become stronger stronger stronger stronger! and my face needs to change, i look like a total kid it bothers me, bleah.

had dinner at superdog and then dessert at the kopitiam there. it was damn stupid we were talking random stuff and i got bored and started playing the golf game in sharon's phone :D

BEST OF ALL, we're not going overseas alr cause dad couldnt manage to book a hotel in time, so i can join denvers people for steamboat/teppanyaki/hotplate buffet tomorrow at novena! hahahah fat but i cant wait either. now im more worried about where to find the money lol.

and as im typing this, i realise i look like shit in most of the photos cause of my blackeye and my fat face WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo. but hey man its okay :) i'll just have to become strong in the shortest time possible. the fats will disappear im sure hahahaha.

aye its only five more days to 11th december. cant wait for the relink and the everything :D

alright photos tomorrow guys! cant wait to post it up.

but for now, just a few that i've recieved(check out the tee we wore, it says potong pasir YEC lol. mine was too big for me)

before finale(dry run)

group shots :)

Zhaoxuan the asshole let go of sharon when the photo was taken i had to ownself dong so i couldnt look and go smile. FUCKFACE!!!! after that he still laughed at me wtf.

this photo didnt involve me but i still think its cool. ZX and YQ doing backtuck.

totally love this one too. YQ, ZX, JY and hakim backtuck. i must applaud the photog person.

i know backtucks are getting boring but check out YQ's insane turn! its like layout alr. (i wanna do stuff like this toooooo :\ )

introducing cam-whore, aziz. people doing stunt shes supp to photog end up photog herself :\ (she's my single base flyer too! helloooooooooo aziz :D )

BB's 2-2-1. i look like a freak but hey thats what you get when you try too hard to get into the photo :\

a totally unplanned for stunt, its our first, but its quite a common stunt anyways lol.

check out sharon and super joker hakim.

ZAHARA(3rd) SINGLE BASE. KNN i feel owned. FYI im behind harlis(2nd). sorry man bro i didnt know you wanted to cupie :|

WHY DIDNT YOU ALL TAKE THE PHOTO WHEN HARLIS LET GOooooooooo :( but BB says good job im stable! :D IDC i'll take one ON MY OWN at the next training! hahahaha.

i said i'd post not all, but hahaha thats about all there is from joanne. and i still cant believe my amazing toepitch to hands and 360 wasnt taken! :( but its okay theres always next time! 'm recieving the video now, hopefully i'll upload it by tonight ^^

ciao guys! i love you ALL.

Đэňvëяs lead the way! ALL THE WAY!

now that im aboard, all thats left is going forward.

power-up! :D

night guys.

2008-12-05T07:52:00.001-08:00

training was,

GOOD.

although i got a black eye from backtuck, and got kicked in the face by aziz, i feel good.

not that im sadistic or what, but it feels GOOD.

did single base with aziz today, and i finally got the feel. hahaha like took me 2 tries before i felt it. gotta use my legs more, but when im up, im stable. finally got past the side of me which wobbled and heeled the flyer :D

im happy cause im on my way to my goal. may be a small start, but i assure bigger things will come.

on another note, fantastic crew came to visit today! hahaha their gymnastics and toetouch and everything is really o.O but yeah i'll leave the comments to within the team, no comments here ^^

it was a good exchange session and everything hahaha. and im even more obsessed with getting strong.

and i probably didnt mention this to anyone, but i fucking made it through piano auditions! this teacher only accepts students who are up to standard and everyth. and i made it!!!!! hahaha we'll start lessons soon, but yeah baby. at least i didnt screw up much hahahah.

everything's going well for me, piano's improving, power levelling on its way for cheer, and my Academy IG lessons are gonna start cause my aunt wants to sponser me :D tell me, could things get even any better? hahahah.

in the past i would say, it sucks to be me, but now, im totally fine with my life ^^

we've got a performance tmr, and its at VIVO! its slightly starting to freak me out already, but hey fuck it. if we're scared we'll never achieve anything. so i'll give it my all :D hopefully everything will go fine.

and to end off i just wanna quote mr YQ,

"trust only yourself, and trust that no matter what, you will catch your flyer when she falls."

and thats what im gonna do from now on. i love you all, but yeah if i cant do it on my own, and having to rely on spotters for security, i'll never grow stronger.

power-levelling, begin.

my first goal, is a stable single base extension and i mean SINGLE. by my birthday ^^
and a back tuck, without any reluctance, by the end of the year.

lets go!

denvers lead the way, all the way.

11th dec, its gonna be a big day for me.
stay with me peeps,
i love you all.

anyway, im thinking of taking up a job at N.U.M. and teaching at christofori hahaha anyone wants to volunteer to be my first student :D

i hope my parents wont decide to leave on sunday cause the team has steamboat dinner and i really dont wanna miss it! hahaha.

relinking on 11th dec, any suggestions for the new link? some idiot took my axiomatical already.
which isnt that bad, cause a new life could use a new name too :D

comments guys! msn me or text me you all should know my details hahahaha.

alright training's at 1 tmr, im freaking tired out from today.
gotta gym and run more often, plus dad has a keppel club membership so i could bring ALL of you there to play hahahahah ^^

love you all ppl.
good night!

2008-12-04T07:25:00.001-08:00

you have no idea how many angsty drafts i typed.

lucky i always force myself to calm down.

fuck off, possessive side.

not only for you,
but for my next love as well.
i need to be less possessive,
and less controlling,
and more responsible :D

aye hope you're having fun with your kitty :)

2008-12-03T19:09:00.000-08:00

if you're meant for me,
you will be back by my side in the very end.

theres no room to be possessive.
i know i know i know.
i need to change my thinking even more till it becomes a super passive thing.
i love you,
i'm willing.

:)

is he really just a friend?

haha i know i think alot,
but i can justify it,
totally.

2008-12-02T22:58:00.001-08:00

hello sweetheart :)

i miss you

have fun at training today!

P.S. i fell asleep last night while snuggling your photo in my phone last night! ^^ its super cute i never wanna delete it, ever.

i love you baby,
really really do.

hope i'll get to see you tmr ! ^^

alright thats all for now,
will update again tonight.

bye ju :)

2008-12-01T21:22:00.001-08:00

-edit-

i dont care anymore.

i love you.

2008-11-30T07:31:00.000-08:00

im sorry :)

for everything.

im sorry i made you stick to me like gum,
made you skip class gatherings,
made you not close to your class and
so many many more.
im sorry for everything.

rehab may have begun,
i may have been starting to kick the addiction,
but my love is more than an addiction.
its not a habit,
its not a lust.
i have no idea how to put it,
but fuck it.
i just know i love you so.

my leg's still very screwed guys.
what should i do? :(

will you lie on my shoulder willingly,
the next time you fall asleep?
i'd never ever be too tired to hold you :)

i know you've become more self-confident,
more independent,
and so have I.
but love is not limited to dependence,
its mutual :)

i hope you'll not close your heart to me,
and even though i know it may never happen, or it may take a long time,
but no matter what it takes,
im never liking anyone else in my life,
i'll hold on to whatever faith and hope and luck i have,
and pray that one day,
we'll hold hands and sleep on each other,
like we did before.

<3
lovelove! ^^

2008-11-29T07:11:00.000-08:00

i injured my ankle in the most amusing way possible WHAT THE FUCKS.

and here i was laughing at zhaoxuan like crazy yesterday, today i was moving the mats and my ankle just snapped under me hahahahaha damn loser

:\

today was fine, i finally decided to ask them to teach me backtuck. im still too scared to do a proper tuck, and maybe my abs just suck,but hahah eh at least i tried okay. and we ran the routine today! stunts were fine, but the dance im still very very, as BB puts it, L-O-S-T (pam took like 15seconds to understand) hahahah.

we were out in the hot sun till we were all baked and such before we could finally move back to the MPR with AIR-CON(aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh) and then YQ made hakim teach me the idk what partner dance. and i was damn bad to sharon. the moment she jumped to cradle, i was like, omg 2 pamelas. hahahaha sharon was damn sad after that okay haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah but you know im joking k sharon? :) lets hope zhaoxuan doesnt kill me :D

me and YQ went to packet dinner for the rest, and it was damn funny, talking about whose dog does what and such. apparently xinyi's maltese(if thats how you spell it) is super horny and loves humping her shoulder wtf. and pam's jack russell like only vomits on pam's sis's blanket hahahahahahah. and so on. we talked about alot of shit, i tried to make hakim teach me body isolation, but aye, im still not moveable enough, means must eat less.

you have no idea how much i spent on drinks today lor. denvers should just apply to the CC for a water cooler to be built. CB i had to cross the road and buy the bloody ex water so many times okay. Shall suggest that to victor on the next training :D

today made me think about alot, about stuff like friends and their importance. Im glad they didnt oust me cause of my new status in the team or what, and i really love all of you for that ^^

thanks guys.

i find that im numb to the pain,
i find that im okay with anything and everything.
looks like melvin soh is back in the zone.

i just wanna pray for your safety,
and i just wanna wish you all the best.

rehab for melvin soh,
has begun.

2008-11-28T19:29:00.000-08:00

i couldnt sleep last night.

we're drifting apart
i hate this feeling
i'd love to be close to you again
baby.

life is neverendingly depressing and infuriating,
and i miss your sayangs.

last night i thought of lots of things.
and one particular incident made me long for you more.

remember xuanyi's house gathering?
i had some hives rash.
and we had to go out to this clinic for an injection.
you went with me,
and when the doctor inserted the needle,
you hugged me.
you held me close and stroked my hair.
even the doctor said,
"with these sayang sayang everything also not pain already".
that left such a deep impression on me,
and at that point of time,
it felt good,
to be protected,
and i knew that you really meant it.
really meant to hold me close and tell me,
everything's gonna be alright darling,
im here.

and the many times,
we sat with you lying on me,
and i'd stroke your face till you wake up.
you'd give me the sleepy smile and hug me,
and fall asleep on my lap,
all over again.

i love you the way you are baby,
i dont care what you've done.
i dont care what others think.
just come hold me like you always do ju,
and i swear,
everything will be alright,
in an instant.

thats how much you mean to me,
so please dont close yourself up to me,
it hurts.

please?

2008-11-28T08:33:00.000-08:00

zhaoxuan injured his ankle in the fucking funniest way today and im totally so tired about laughing from it i shall just say he was DUMB hahahah :)

pam's hand's still injured! :( meaning she cant go for her gym competition, like she paid 100+ dollars for :\ poor pam, get well soon! :D

today's attendance saw new friends hahaha. BB wants me to perform with denvers next sat! hahaha they made me learn the dance and i like it hahaha theres 2 dances and all damn fast hahaha. but pam laughed and said i look like wayang! hahaha but aye i must become super zai at those dance moves before next sat :D:D

first performance, cant wait! ^^

aye today we did normal stuff, finally met sharon hahaha from online to the real person! (hello!) and then while i was doing extension lib, i caught my mum staring at us train and omg that stunt fell and the girl landed on me. i swear my mum had the "WTF" face on, but after that the following attempts were quite good! :D

tried single lib from floor up today, BB says im stable, but all in all when its up there, its a totally different feel, so i hope i'll be fine soon haha :\

after training we sat and talked nonsense and 3 people asked me about my BAK2U and i had alot of saliva used up to explain to them haha. but yeah la pam loses her phone very very often! so yeah, pam you could buy my product its freaking one time thing ^^

YQ met us only after training and it was like a really damn big group of people, so we had lots of different convos everywhere and YQ jacked brandan so bad it was so freaking funny hahahahha. talked to them for fucking long till like 11 plus before we had to leave cause everyone had their parents/friends picking them up. and i had to walk alone to the MRT again :(

but life is cool, and some of us may be going to wildcards on sunday to see see hahaha. im trying to make pam they all go also :D

training was fucking fun today,

but i still miss sleeping on you much much more :(
im just an acquaintance in your life.
but if this is the way its gonna be,
i have nothing and i can do nothing to change it.

i'll need my entire lifetime to forget you.
so i rather spend my life being your shadow.
and if thats as far as i can ever get,
so be it,
i'll live with it.

if your boyfriend ever does cheat on you,
you can always come to me,
i'm 24/7 ready for you,
and even if you only come to me when you need me,
i'll do everything i can for you.
and i'll kill anyone who dares to hurt you.

and if i die in the process,
god-bless you,
you've just rid yourself of a irksome pest,
thats been sticking to you for a helluva long time :)

either way,
as long as you're happy :)

i fucking love you.
from the start to the end,
it never wavered,
not even once.

i didnt cry today,
not on 27th november.
but since its already 1am,
i wont say i didnt.

i hope i'll see you soon,
missing you is more painful
than any other feeling in the world.

at the end of the day,
after you've went out with all the guys you want to,
will you decide that,
at the end of the line,
im still the one that you want as rightfully yours?
i wonder.

but i'll always be here,
right by your side.

and if you do read this,
have no doubts,
its not anyone else.
i love you
tansiewboon.
you're my one and only.

2008-11-27T17:58:00.000-08:00

not going for work today! :D but im darn bored :\

i dont tear for fun.
but only you are able to tug on my heartstrings so easily,
and bring out any emotions that i struggle hard to keep in.

its not being sad/emotional/weak,
its simply because i fucking love you.

and in case you think im sad,
im not.
i love letting my emotions take over when im with you,
cause it feels really nice to have you nearby.
and even though im silently tearing,
im silently in heaven.

i dont care how small you think your eyes are,
but the world i see in your eyes,
is much larger than physical numbers will ever be able to calculate.
and that world,
is the world i live in.
the world i dream in.
the world i wanna spend the rest of my life in,
with you and only you.

LETS GO FOR TRAININGGGGGGGGGGGGGG :D

the white musk i sprayed from the tester yesterday,
is still lingering on my wrist.
and just like that,
i fell asleep, with that sweet smell,
lingering all around me :)
it smells exactly like you always do.
i love you.

2008-11-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

zero sales :)

gotta try harder for the remaining 3 days ^^

i hope you wont be mad at me for saying those words,
but i guess it was cause i was worried,
so i blew up.
im sorry :(

.
.
.

today i didnt cry,
didnt get emotional.
but i almost did when i laid on her shoulder.
it was really nice,
and i really appreciate it when she didnt push me away,
as i instinctively snuggled up to her.

i just hope the right path for me lights itself soon,
so i wont be lost and running in circles in the dark.
i dont wanna be sad,
this is no time to be sad, SMILE! (says my phone memo pad)

many a time,
as she whisked past,
i picked up that familiar scent,
that sweet smell,
that made me melt over and over again ( it never fails )

you know,
no matter what i do,
i always forget to forget you.

i wanna feel the way you make me feel
when i'm with you.
and if i can,
i wanna make you feel the way i made you feel,
the time when you were madly in love with me.
and lets keep it at that :)

nothing's gonna stop me,
not even divine intervention :D

may i have a kiss, may i touch your lips?
may i have a hug, may i hold you tight at the place closest to my heart?
may i hold your hand, may i hold it and tickle your fingers as i play upon your heartstrings?
if i may not have any of these,
may i have a silly smile, and may i take a picture of it and keep lots of different photos of you under my pillow, in my wallet and as my wallpaper?

i heart yearns for you,
i wish i could hold you close to me so you could hear how hard it thumps,
when you even come close.

i missed you alot on the bus trip home today,
and i miss you even more now.

i really really hope you wont take it to heart :\

2008-11-25T07:14:00.001-08:00

tired like idk how to describe. i was already dying on the way back to training, i had to buy 1 soya milk, 1 red bull and 1 bottle of mineral water before i could get back to doing my handstands lol.

victor says i have a very observable flair in talking, and promoting stuff, like salesman kind. actually im half happy half sad haha. sad cause i dont wanna be a salesman, but happy cause hopefully all my OP in pw skills will play a part this time. im totally into this, i think my target should be to earn around $500? with flexi work timings, cause im too lazy to walk around the expo for the WHOLE day trying to sell stuff. unless sales get fucking good, which i doubt it will.

victor and jy say the SITEX thingy will be less then the projected 800k people, cause like now we're in economic crisis and such. hahaha but i think i'm only heading there for the experience and see how far my mouth can bring me, lol! :) yup jy'll be down at SITEX on thursday, victor may be going down on friday before training, and zhaoxuan and brandan will be down on sunday, for almost the whole day cause their church is there ^^ hopefully yq and bb will come too? hahahaha :D

today's training was quite slacky but more of an eye opener for me. Being trained in SAJC, but having zero gymnastic training, even a handstand takes me damn long to achieve :\ aye today i progressed from forward rolls, to front somersaults hahaha. YQ was teaching BB how to do but BB was damn scared and everything. as usual, brandan made his debut fall by landing on his head and going "fuccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccck pain" while the rest of us laughed on.

today's attendance was quite poor, only brandan, YQ, BB, victor, JY, joanne and another girl(sorry man i didnt get your name) were there. So we were like playing, trying gymnastics and everything and toss to hands. brandan's aim is like single lib with joanne before nationals. But like YQ said, if you cast away your fear, you'll totally progress fucking fast. More of being inspired by MR tam ZX, who is for all i know still at prom now, i wanna pia my life away. Injured nvm. totally dont care will bring me much further and faster.

i made a few goals for myself today, but i havent told them.
firstly, i wanna master toss-to-hands with ALL the flyers, by the end of this year or before 8 jan, so i can show off to ZX.
secondly, i wanna do my backtuck and cartwheel/roundoff by the end of this year.

that should be enough for now,
yeah you know me i'll most probably slack it off and forget all about it.

BUT.

i think this time, its really different. With no more studies to fuck-care about, i totally have full passion for cheer. Doesnt matter who i prefer to coach and so on, sorry if i offended any of you, but more of passion for the sport, which is gonna freaking take me damn far i tell you.

there's gonna be a cheer conference soon in KL, dont know if my parents will let me but i wna go. Victor says its gonna be a super eye opener so i really really really wanna go! :D

alright im fucking tired now, but i still feel like playing gunbound awhile :D hahaha.

she said hello.
inside im screaming, I LOVE YOU.

If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

as our lives change,
come whatever
inside my heart you will still be
my baby forever.
tears dried, heart died.
i cried, as i munched on the corn you gave me.
lucky you didnt notice :)

and i shall continue what i started,
and be good ol melvin,
for all the days to come,
for all the years to come.
but my heart never stopped yearning for you.
how i wish,
time would stop,
and leave you in my care
till eternity.

sorry for being sad.
i guess this was how i really felt today,
cause after cheer i was at the sk bus interchange,
and i saw this couple,
that totally reminded me of everything.
the way the girl responded to the guy,
the way the guy hugged her,
and even the way they teased each other.
i couldnt help but think of the past,
but its true.
the past is the past,
the present is the present.

and it all ends here.

i know i cant do anything about it,
but if you fall for him,
i promise you,
i'll give you the broadest smile i can muster,
and wish you both,
eternal bliss.

at the end of the day,
the sweetest love stories are still the ones that never have an ending.

2008-11-24T06:23:00.000-08:00

hopefully my mom will let me go to mr TAM ZHAO XUAN's house tmr to stay over cause i am in serious need of drinks.

it is said that the legendary absolut vanilla coupled with hello panda can knock you over. Literally and Figuratively. Which is scary cause ZX was talking to me one day over the phone when suddenly he couldnt draw any air and was like making lotsa shitty sounds over the phone, i was so prepared to call 995 for him.

mm but yes, i need such stuff. alcohol makes you forget yourself and live in your own world, but it gives beer bellies, which is so unthinkably unwanted :X and running wont make it go away, thats the worst part. Best thing will be that i'll tire myself so badly, meet him after his prom(which is so freaking early) cause he's not going post prom and then i'll head to his house and we'll crash and burn. Maybe rent a few movies to watch, but hopefully, we wont become so dead drunk that we ass rape one another. fuckthats the worst thing that could happen :\

i am a virgin.
i do not wanna get ass raped.
i dont wanna lose my virginity to a guy.
no.
not tam zhao xuan.
NO SAUCER NIPS.

hahahahah im a fucking asshole and i know it all too well.

anyway, i reinstalled gunbound and i got addicted slightly to it again, but its a pity its too mild for me to go crazy over. ahahaha but yanzhang's gonna kill me for coping his items again. lawl.

yesternight i finished watching katekyo hitman reborn and i enjoyed spoiling the ENTIRE story for nick over the phone even though he was reluctant to listen to me. but now i saved his time from watching, no? hahaha fucker.

and i found the tutorials to play the hitman song online but the bugger didnt mail me back, how infuriating.

you know, sometimes having siblings at home that know too much about you gets very irritating.
here i have a brother, this little bugger, who walks around and mentions stuff that appears interesting to him, but at the same time reminds me of a past i dont wanna go over again. today it got so bad i had to pull him by his shirt and warn him to never ever fucking talk about that again.

yes i know yes i know its over, its long over and i should move on i should find something else i should open myself up again i should stop caring i should stop giving a damn and everything?

hey guys.
its not that easy to forget and move on.

when you get numbed to the pain,
and when you feel the knife stabbing you but no blood comes out,
theres no sharp pain,
theres not even the prickling feeling
nor the trickle of warm blood.
this time,
the blade's not sharp.
its blunt,
and pain becomes no longer a one off thing,
it comes long term.

when the shock factor and pain begins to dull,
the blade dulls too.
and i just wanna say,
its getting worse.

whats this feeling,
when i rather die in one stroke,
then have to live on in slow never-ending pain.
in love,
is there any form of euthanasia available,
except the common substitute of putting up a strong front?

i shall put up my smiley face for as long as i can,
and when i finally break down,
i'll hide myself from the world.
xinyi if youre reading this,
i totally agree with you.
i'm hopelessly in love,
and i have no idea what is driving me in life,
in love,
and in everything that i do,
anymore.
all the best with your love life,
for mine's definitely not the way i wanted it to be.
but please still tell me if you and don get together,
i'll still have lotsa space in my head to be happy for you :D

i know its possible to do something purely for myself and so on,
but in it,
we cannot deny the existence of that impurity in my thinking,
the side which wants to care for her and be there for her,
all the time.

ah well.
tomorrow i shall wake up,
with a smile on my face,
a light hearted attitude,
and a side which everyone will be happy to see.
the optimistic melvin,
the worry-less melvin,
and best of all,
the good ol melvin.

the pain shall be hidden well,
deep under that smile,
deep under that happy-go-lucky side of me.
you'll never know how bad it is, inside :)
would you hate me,
if i said that all this time,
i never did stop loving you?
i still love you,
you never stopped being the baby in my heart.
and i still hold on to that hope that one day,
you'll give me that one more chance to pull on your heartstrings,
and open your heart to mine
once again,
just like the day you lay your head on my shoulder,
on that warm lovely night of 11/10/07.
<3
i love.

2008-11-22T05:58:00.000-08:00

i love denvers

although we're not very big-sized,

although we dont have flyers which are below 45kg,

we have that high level of technique that we do stunts as complicated as teams that have big guys with small flyers :D

now that i think of it, lucky you joined wildcards :)
if i had been on the same team, i wouldnt be able to enjoy the sport at all.
like blame myself for every single time if you do fall from a stunt and im unable to be there to catch? :\
i know im such a loser hahaha.
have fun in wildcards!

P.S. anyway now i know why you didnt want me there when you went clubbing

No more nonsense emo thinking and talk, im getting numb from all of it. All i can say now is,

Denvers lead the way, all the way!
i love this new team.
and im very happy about my choice.
cant wait for the first performance with them.

today i tried toss to hands!
and i did freaking alot of handstands and even the crazy stunt with pamela and BB hahaha the one where i found out how technical brandan is while for me im just the primative animal spirit instinct(haha zhaoxuan).

pamela injured her elbow during backhandspring today, hope she gets well soon, cause she has a gymnastics competition in 2 weeks! she was so emo throughout the whole training :\
today was damn cool i saw zhaoxuan's toss to hand transit to single cupie. Looks like its gonna take me a while before i actually get it heh.

but today's training wasnt that xiong as my first, probably cause my body adapted back to the exercise again. Next gymnastics training im aspired to learn backtuck and cartwheel, while the next stunts training i wanna do a more confirmed toss to hands rather then one with freaking alot of float and one with no float at all. No doubt, BB is bloody good. :D

and zhaoxuan the motherfucker almost threw my retainers away, fuck. he dumped it in a plastic bag with the CB chicken rice we had for lunch. walao.

nehneh, now im undergoing technique retraining, which is good cause i watched a particular person's toss to hands video (no names mentioned) and even though he's a head coach somewhere and he's quite big, his toss doesnt have the desired height both for base and flyer, ended up in a really awkward style. Haha i used to think of attaining his standard,but looking at the people who do toss to cupie(without bending of legs & being 180++ at the same time), i cannot afford but no longer see him as a target. now i wanna reach YQ's standard! toss to cupie with fucking float. and his legs are so long his roundoff backtuck ends up in roundoff layout. RESPECT you bro.

Muscle memory is great for crash-course, but i intend to cheer for quite a long time to come, so i'd think technique mastery comes first. But individual preferences come into play, no comments on whoever thinks which is right. We're all right in our very own way :)

training today lasted 11 hours, with the last 2 hours being breaks and stops. I'm super shagged, but still cant help but feel excited cause next week training is on tuesday, friday and saturday! i'll be working, but since the team will be performing on sunday, saturday training i wouldnt be able to do much too :\ good thing too. im gonna earn money alr! hahahah finally. and i think i'll take a loan from mummy tmr first, gonna dye my hair :D

let time take its toll on us,
and let fate do the rest.

once again,
denvers lead the way,
ALL THE WAY! :D

2008-11-21T03:11:00.000-08:00

time is immaterial.

starting lately,
im starting to feel that i have alot of time,
and if you need time before you'll talk to me again,
hey, im totally fine with it :D

but no,
i still cant do without you :\

life,
is such a dilemma.

i feel like going to play at wildcards tmr, but i've got training!
ah well, thinking carefully,
i still think denvers will give me a more holistic form of training,
like strengthening the basics first.
if i were to join wildcards,
undeniably it'd be fucking cool cause the first thing i'll learn is toss to hands,
but learning by habit and not by technique,
some may love it,
but i dont think i wanna go ten years down the road,
and find out because of weak foundation,
i end up injuring myself/not being able to do even higher level stunts.

aye, i dont really care if wildcards is better,
will win more awards and such.
im into cheer,
not to win awards,
but to stick with the team,
that will bring me the furthest,
in the long run,
and not simply lead me by habit and repititive muscle memory.

no more mistakes in life,
no more memory work.
technique before glam

:)

P.S. but i'll get BB to teach me toss to hands as well! zhaoxuan says she's so fucking good as a flyer she can correct the bases, respect! if she'll help, i'll be more then willing to learn :D

2008-11-20T23:44:00.000-08:00

diahorrea,
non-recovering wrist tendons,
zero flexibility.

cant train today, bleah.

and im feeling undeniably moodlessly shitty today, for some unknown reason.

what if,
im still in love with you,
five of ten years down the road?
'd die a million times over
just to have you :)

2008-11-20T04:07:00.001-08:00

fucking tired. tore my finger skin while shuttling, it looks freaking scary , like worse then the blisters nick got yesterday from dragonboat hahaha.

eh i think im slowly improving my badminton as well :D

and my lips are super dry, damn. i just have to sort of glide my teeth over and they'll just tear off. then every single time there'll be blood :\

hahaha aye im super hyper tired. i hope everyday is like that so i wont have that much time to brood over stuff that stimulates my tears, gay faggot.

you were my first and i'll never be able to forget you,
i wonder if you'll be able to remember me.
i think of you day and night,
from sunrise to sundown.
and if i could,
i'd dream another sunset with you.
hope we'll talk soon,
all this tiring myself out just to control my emotions,
does no real good after all.

P.S.

i know you had a bad headache from last night,
so do take care.
it still hurts to know you're not alive and jumpy,
like you always were.

i still miss you.

2008-11-19T21:31:00.000-08:00

off to badminton at 4pm :D

yesterday was fucking loser we went downstairs to eat supper and zhaoxuan called and i got pissed cause he talk and talk and talk until KNN my noodles cold. then we went back to nick's house and freaking watched hitman reborn till like, 330. hahaha i didnt really have the mood to play till after around 1 plus , personal reasons. but yeah after that we were damn funny. Supposed to sleep at 2, cause i was feeling more at ease already. Then every freaking episode of hitman was a cb cliffhanger we COULDNT stop watching lols. and the worst part is, my handphone ran out of batt in the morning when TAN MING JIANG called me, at 7am sharp, asked me if i wanted to meet him at kovan, wth.

i slept without bolster or blanket or pillow, had to sleep on my damned underwear and clothes. The books i brought along didnt serve as much of a cushion, either :\ but yeah it was quite fucking funny and everything was great. No one called to disturb, and i only recieved the text i was waiting for. So all in all, other than the sleeping conditions and the toilet, we should all stayover at his house hahaha.

i havent freaking booked the court yet for later, i hope there's gonna be space and i've still gotta go hunt for the shuttlecocks -.-

oh and the best thing is, there's training tomorrow night! hahah time to burn myself again and make the best out of my time. i really hope she'll come too, but ah well, she needs time, so yeah, no reason to bug her. im sure she'll tell me when she's ready to talk again :)

alright im freaking tired maybe i'll nap awhile den wake up to play.

cant wait,
its been freaking long since i played badminton seriously :D

2008-11-19T09:50:00.001-08:00

im at nick's house now.

all is fine,
but i've some complaints hahahahaha.

now that i know you're already safe and in good hands,
i can now go to bed and sleep more peacefully.

i got fucking pissed with his toilet hahahah.

1. i moved all the clothes to the outside, and when i wanted to bathe, there was no fucking showerhead linked to the tap.
2. i had to bathe using the HOSE. and it was fucking cold. and the hose was DUSTY. the water that came out first was light grey. KNN!
3. the toilet is SPARTAN. i had to squat in front of the TOILETBOWL and wash my head due to short hose length.
4. the shampoo he gave me was stuck cause of lack of usage i had to find something to poke a hole so i could break the solid layer that had formed to get my the shampoo. :\
5. the towel he gave me couldnt even hold my FACE. knn my body was very very sticky cause i couldnt dry it. (its like those kind where maids use to clean the window -.-)

all in all, i think all army boys should come bathe here to experience army life first hand :)

last of all, i would like to complain, that the host is laughing as he watches me type every single word and not feeling guilty AT ALL. FUCK MAN hahahahah.

this is definitely the new BMTC school for tekong :D
school 3.

2008-11-17T21:09:00.000-08:00

will you give me another chance?

i changed,
i really did,
and this time its not another groundless statement.
please,
i mean it with all of my heart.
and i still love you with everything that i've got.

please let me love you again.

2008-11-17T06:39:00.000-08:00

i will change myself.
till the point where,
you'll feel safe enough,
to accept me.

i will protect you physically with all of my being,
and i will protect your heart and your feelings,
with every bit of change in me.
i will change,
to make sure,
to ensure,
to reassure you,
that you'll never ever feel the pain you felt,
when you were with me from 11th of october 2007,
to 11th of october 2008.
i'll change.
i'll never let you feel hurt again,
never let you feel caged up again,
and never let anything else come in between us again.

i know you can take good care of yourself,
and all i want is to exist alongside you,
to take care of you all the time.
i wont pry into your private life,
i wont go all posessive over you again.
i wont make the same mistakes to hurt you
like i did before.

i will show you,
that in this one month,
ive changed.
and right now,
i'm more then ready to take care of you.

this time,
it isnt an empty promise,
neither is it a childish act of desperation.
it may be true that i love you and i want you back by my side,
but right NOW,
its the end of the a levels.
no more commitments to studies,
i wanna commit myself to loving you,
i wanna commit myself to getting you to love me,
once again.
no more jealousy,
no more idiocy.
just love,
pure and simple as that.

i still cant get over the feeling of holding you against my chest,
and i cant forget the sensation,
that emotional rush i felt,
when my lips touched yours again,
after that horrible five weeks of emptiness.

i wanna spend my holidays,
with denvers,
with nick and gang,
and most importantly,
with YOU.

if it were possible,
i'd want to work with you,
i'd want to go shopping with you,
i'd want to do everything with you.

you mentioned toughening up,
be myself,
and ive thought it over.
its because i AM myself,
therefore i allow myself to show you the tender side of me,
the side which is very emotional,
and very easily affected.
i see no reason to hide this from you,
for my only tender spot,
is you.

you were the only girl that managed to dig up this side of me,
and you were the one to change me,
from the old indifferent and unsociable me,
to the lively,
crazy person that i am now.
and im very thankful for that.
you moulded me,
you changed me.
although some times,
it gets too tough for me to handle,
but you know,
deep inside,
pride doesnt matter to me anymore.
i'd give up anything in my life,
just to be with you.

love transcends all boundaries,
especially anger and pride.
you taught me to control my anger,
control my temper.
if i hadnt fallen in love,
i'd probably be somewhere out there,
violent, hot-headed and abusive.

cant imagine, eh?
you were the one,
who changed me,
who was the only one who could affect me to change.

i love you rachell tan siew boon.
i pray with all of my heart,
that after my paper ends tomorrow at 9am,
all of this will blow over,
for i am willing to change,
for i will never hurt you,
ever again.
for that,
im willing to give up everything that i have,my babygirl.

snuggle up to me again sweetheart,
i love the warm feeling that overcomes me,
the moment your heart connects with mine.

and once again,
only you are capable of giving me that feeling.
no one else can.
some may say im hopelessly in love,
but i prefer to say,
ive found the one i wanna live with,
from now until forever,
and never get tired of her.

i pray,
the day when i get to hold you and kiss you again,
the tears will come.
for it is only through your loved ones,
that you can release the emotions,
bottled inside all that
crying without tears.

only you can,
open up my heart,
like no other can.

2008-11-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

A person once told me that crying without tears is the worst form of crying. And they were right- because the weeping of the soul hurts so much more and no one can console you because no one can see, and even if they can they do not reach its tremendous depth.

This is a tribute to all those who have felt the anguish of tearless sobs and broken spirits. May your religion guide you through it, and may those you love be there for you when the tears start to fall and every moment after.

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”

Kahlil Gibran

crying, is not an offense.
neither is it a show of weakness.
because after every episode,
we become stronger,
faster
harder
better.

Tears are far more beautiful than anything that you have with you, because tears come from the overflow of your being. Tears are not necessarily of sadness; sometimes they come out of great joy and sometimes they come out of great peace and sometimes they come out of ecstasy and love. In fact they have nothing to do with sadness or happiness. Anything that stirs your heart too much, anything that takes possession of you, anything that is too much, that you cannot contain and it starts overflowing — that brings tears.

Accept them with great joy, relish them, nourish them, welcome them, and through tears you will know how to pray.

Through tears you will know how to see. Tear-filled eyes are capable of seeing truth. Tear-filled eyes are capable of seeing the beauty of life and the benediction of it.

how i wish the tears would come.

2008-11-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

it wasnt a nightmare.
it wasnt a beautiful lie.
it was beautiful.

ive been playing solitaire since 2 hours ago.
cause i told myself.
if i dont complete this,
i'll never get a chance with you ever again.
and i did it.
i proved my horoscope wrong.

and since i diced with fate,
and i won,
i know it doesnt prove anything,
and its dumb to place gambles in such useless stuff,
but i need that extra confidence in life.

i probably didnt mention this to anyone except nick,
but i was tearing silently during my chem mcq paper.
there wasnt even sobbing,
just tears that came flowing,
without even the slightest warning.
i used to think it was dumb,
dont your eyes turn watery and
your nose turns sour,
and you start to cry?
its intrigueing.

seriously i see so much pity for nicholas.
he's a damn good friend.
here i was,
fucking angry with myself and punching the wall till im growing blisters all over my knuckles
and waking up the family in the process,
and nick calls,
tells me to stop punching,
stop hurting myself.
i dont stop.
but i am thankful.
at least this time,
there's someone here for me.

he says i can stay at his house anytime,
he'll tide this time over with me.
after all,
we're from the Soh family.
we'll help each other in need.

i hope you said all that in just a moment of anger,
for i really dont wanna go through that anguish of losing you,
all over again.
the pain's so bad,
it hurts physically.

i cry every single time we start drifting apart.
its not like i want to,
its not out of gaining pity.
it just fucking comes,
no sobbing,
no hysterical breathing,
just a smile,
and the tears.

if there's anything that's standing in between us,
i'll erase it.
and this time,
saying it, means doing it.
i know i've made lots of empty promises and so on,
but at the end of the day,
its the end of the A levels after all.
thats what makes all the difference.
this time,
is the time i really make a difference.

ever since the 5 weeks ago when we broke up,
i've been changing.
rapid changes.
we live for life, death and taxes.
i live for life, love and death.

i want to hold you again,
want to show you
that nothing will ever come between us again,
and that i'd give anything just to never let you get hurt.

all i can do now,
is to make it through tomorrow,
without you by my side.
i hope you'll still reserve this place in your heart,
for the melvin whom you fell in love with,
a year ago,
and for the new me,
who is more then ever ready to love you,
with all of his heart.

like i said before,

i want you more than anything else in the world,
and i'll pick you over every other girl in the world.
its you that ive fallen in love with,
and no matter what you do,
wont make me love you even the slightest bit lesser.
even if i may fail,
i'll pick myself up over and over again,
and endure everything,
just to be by your side,
just like before,
just like good ol' yesterday.

i dont want anyone else,
i only want you.

i know in future,
alot of things might try to ruin my chances with you,
but im willing to go through all that shit,
for i really love you.
and i really cannot have any other girl by my side.
none of them will ever be able to replace you,
that i am fucking sure.

i know its very late alr,
and we're both very tired.
i went offline already,
i dont wanna piss you off further.
but i still hope you'll forgive my incompetence.
and let your heart tell you,
that this time,
i really mean it.
i really love you and only you.

if only i could give you happiness,
if only i could make you smile just like that,
till forever.

2008-11-16T02:44:00.000-08:00

today,

we held hands.
we hugged.
we kissed.
we held waists.
we touched.

i was fucking happy.
i felt damn sweet.
i felt like flying.
i loved every single moment of it.

so when you told me,
dont blame you if you find another guy in these 2 days, its easy,
my emotions went down the drain.
i know you're out with someone now,
i have no idea who it is,
but i hope it wont be that "another guy"
for i really wanna believe that my place in your heart is not that easily replaced.

but with recent horoscope readings about fucking bad love luck,
it isnt hard to believe in horoscopes.
and you'll have fucking good love luck.
so a new guy in 2days, is really possible.

some may say im silly for thinking about these stuff,
some may tell me i may be right.
but all in all i wanna tell myself,
if in these 2 days,
she really takes a liking towards a new guy,
i guess,
this time i'll really have to step back.

i wanna see you for the whole day tmr,
i'll keep trying till i get access granted.
but if its denied,
at least see me for dinner?

it hurts me that everything screwed up today,
but it makes me happy to know that right now you're somewhere out there having dinner and smiling to the person opposite you.
at least you werent left alone.
but how i wish the person opposite you was me,
or that you could hug me like you did on the train,
or that you could nibble my cheeks ever so lightly it makes me tingle.

even though all of that was simply hours ago,
i simply miss it very badly.
i hope i'll be allowed out tmr,
i really wanna spend a day with you,
with no screwups,
and no errors.

if the fucking horoscope pops up again,
i'll smash it without hesitation.
i'll show the world how much i want you.
how much i wanna hold you again,
and how much i wanna walk down the underpass and say to the pamphlet distributors,
cant you see my hands are filled?

you know,
i want you more than anything else in the world now.
i wanna see you tomorrow i wna be by your side on tuesday when you're mugging.
i dont mind watching you study cause you're so absolutely adorable.
and when you smile and tickle me or give me a little tap on my cheek,
it makes my heart even warmer,
and i wanna hold you even closer.
i wanna be able to hold you for every century,
every decade,
every year,
every month,
every day,
every hour,
every minute,
every second
and
every millisecond of my life.

i wanna die in your arms,
so please dont leave me.
please let me be by your side.
as long as conditions permit,
i'll be by your side,
no matter what happens,
and i'll protect you,
with my life.

welcome back into my life,
darling.
and this time,
i hope you'll stay in my life,
for good.

i love you ju.

P.S. i love you only, i'd never get another girl's number. so dont go telling me its okay, cause i wont. i love you and solely you, please never doubt that neverending affection i have for you, aiight? <3 ju

2008-11-15T02:24:00.000-08:00

cannot post cause im a pussy and im immobilised from neck down all the way to butt.

need to get my form back, NOW.

2008-11-14T06:56:00.000-08:00

even though we met only for a short time,
it was sweet :)

i dont know why,
but walking around with you is getting less and less stressful.
im getting to enjoy it ^^

the i love you only shirt made me happy in a peculiar way.
even though you didnt say anything, i felt alot better,
even if it wasnt meant for me :D
thank you ju.

walking to and from wrong exits,
walking down non-working escalators,
seeing sexy male buttcracks down the street,
walking from shop to shop looking for new stuff to buy,
in all it was really wonderful.

as a result i was late for training,
but it was worth it.
i was fucking motivated after that,
did like a million tries and finally had the courage to chiong my handstand.
its a pity they didnt let me do handstands all the way lol.
i had to do stunts with the bases too! :)
which was kinda fun cause learning everything again,
is in a certain way,
re-living the cheerleader in me.
Brandan was damn poor thing everyone in the team ignored him :\
but he was nice, tried to teach me handstands haha.
i was so fucking weak and tired after just one set of 10 elevator reload to extension.
zhaoxuan dragged me across the street to buy red bull.
hahaha there was this oncoming car i didnt even have the energy to get out of the way. :S
im super off form now, i know.
thats why whatever it takes im gonna get back on form,
and be good in something,
like finally :D

once i officialate my entry to the team,
i'll get to put "denvers" in my nick! hahahaha, retarded but its quite cool to me :)
im dead tired now, but i shall study a lil bit of physics.

in the end, i didnt eat dinner, fucking hunry now,
but yeah happiness from the entire day esp the outing with you,
is enough to make me sustain any pain and press on :)

thank you ju,
and thank you denvers.
you made my day.

P.S. i love you only :)

2008-11-13T19:03:00.001-08:00

i wanted to move to livejournal but every other idiot has taken up my name.

any ideas what my user should be?

2008-11-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

whats perfect may not be what's best for you.
i may be the best you ever had but i may not be the one for you.
you may meet a guy who sucks but still marry him.
people change,
people move on.

but as long as my heart tells me i still want you,
i dont care what you become,
and what you are like,
i'll continue on.
even if it means hell,

i'll withstand all of it,
just to hold your hand.

let fate take its course,
i'll just play along.

today i read the horoscope for 09.
it says my love life will be horrible.
and yours will be fantastic.
a big part of me thinks this is true.

but, if you go out there and love someone else all over again,
i cant do anything.
however,
if at the end of the line,
you need me,
i'll always answer your call,
i'll always be there for you,
no matter what it is.
even if it means sacrificing myself for the sake of saving your boyfriend.
if its for you,
i'll do it all.

i dont think anyone out there will like me like you did,
but to me it was really special.
and for that,
im holding on as much as i can,
for i know that without you,
im unwanted and useless.

thanks for everything :)
i'll press on for as long as my heart permits,
for as long as you'll let me.

2008-11-12T03:20:00.000-08:00

paper's over, dont wanna talk about it.

i ate old chang kee's chicken mushroom puff & a jalepeno taquito :D

i swear i'll marry the girl who can make me the same kind of curry puff edges(the crispy part which
seals the fillings in) as old chang kee! ^^

we didnt go out in the end, ju was too tireedddd. but i dont really mind cause as long as she gets ample rest its fine :)

2008-11-11T02:58:00.000-08:00

getting to see you tmr is just too wonderful to imagine/fathom/think of/dream of.

rah im just bored haha.

feel like eating beer battered fish. JUST ONE :)

and up till this point of time im starting to think i should actually focus more on music hahahahaha.

get well from your fever and lethargy soon!

its just tmr and next wed, hang in there! ^^

2008-11-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

i created a MYSPACE hahahaha just for the sole purpose of adding norwegian recycling and downloading his songs

i swear he is bloody talented. once he adds me and i get his songs im gna be so bloody happy. and wtf, he's only some dude, not some star lah. he'll definitely make it big in the future. Song mashing is so fucking coooooooooooooooooooooooooool man. ahah

2008-11-10T05:35:00.000-08:00

your msn nick says, pardon me if my heart wavers.

i wont deny it, at first i dipped into emo state again. like damn worried and everything and damn sad. but after some time i realised this happened before. hahaha and i've resolved to doing this. i have no control over whoever you like or whoever your heart leans towards, but rather then wasting my time shitting around and bothering and pestering you around, i'd rather concentrate on trying to make you like me all over again.

if you could like me once, im sure its not by chance. I'll try my best to reproduce that feeling within you again, and for once, i can say i've changed. no longer the narrow-minded worrying loser, now im a changed man. its a much much better decision than irritating you and trying to control you again, dont you think?

yay im quite proud of myself for being able to think this way. the breakup did make me grow up, but once is enough hahaha :) it made me learn to cherish everything i have even more, thank you ju. now that i've inculcated this habit inside of me, all thats left ahead of me is to be by your side all the time till the day i get to hold your hand again. sounds fucking exciting ^^

study hard! :)

2008-11-10T03:48:00.000-08:00

halfway during physics exam today i stretched around with my neck till it sorta snapped :\
now i cant even move my head around. IDK what the fuck i can do to help myself but yeah, all i can do is hope it goes away by tmr :)

im not gna tell ju cause i dont want her to worry(hoping she does) and also i dont wanna like make myself sound pitiful cause at the end of the day its really nothing much la. Hope it dies down by tmrw morning.

tonight i've to sleep early cause ive got so many papers but yeah i hope it'll turn out fine. I've been living this entire A levels period dreading tmrw, so once its over i guess i'll finally be able to breathe normally again.

econs tuition just finished, i'll gather some info then go full force into chem again. Sleep by 12am today, all the best for my paper tmr ^^

all the best to ju as well for her upcoming econs and lit papers C:

2008-11-09T17:53:00.000-08:00

i totally cannot get over hot shot.

fucking cool i totally love the show although its exaggerated and all that. i feel like somehow im becoming like a fangirl of jerry yan, luo zhi xiang and wu zun :\

you know, when guys get too awesomely handsome even guys have chances of idolising them. bleah sports are damn cool why wasnt i born a sportsman.

damn weak, why cant i do something terrific for once, like cupie or single lib or whatnot. i know i too short to play basketball, but still i think its a fucking cool sport. and badminton too. y'know, sometimes when you suck at something and everyone around you is fucking good, you kind of give up? :(

i feel so hopeless now, im totally unprepared for physics paper, and today i've econs tuition at 530-8. then i'll gather some econs stuff, start mugging for chem P2 at 9. tmr, chem will start at 8, and then theres econs P2 after that at 2. Hopefully it'll turn out better, or im seriously screwed.

blah blah freedom is only 2 days away after today, but im still so restless and unmotivated. anyway i asked nick to come over to study on thursday tgt for chem MCQ hahaha i got a serious feeling we'll play more then study. but at least it keeps my mind off things, i guess.

BUT THURSDAY IS SO FREAKING FAR AWAY AND I STILL HAVE TO ENDURE SHITTY DAYS OF CHEM ECONS AND ECONS AGAIN :(

whining is so loser.

working out after a levels seems so fucking inviting esp since Sengkang sports complex (with gym!) is right behind my house. But i bet i'll slack around on my lazy ass right after A levels. Nick even signed up for dragonboat comp. hahaha asshole.

OH and on friday, im gna fuck care zhaoxuan. since he doesnt wanna go with me, i'll just go myself! (to training). im gna go denversing! hahaha name wise its not that great but i know there are some monsters inside there as well. pls pls pls let me do a single lib before the end of this year! :D

its a pity i cant stunt with ju anymore, but i musnt let my love for the sport stop. She has her own commitments her own interests her own loves. i have mine too. Although i've been following her all this time, i think at least now i've the FRSM goal, in addition to loving that sweet little thing in my life ^^

mummy says the piano teacher will not accept if he thinks you dont have enough talent, i hope i'll make it, else i'll be rendered totally uselss, like excel in nothing AT ALL :(

show me some love, everybody! C:

2008-11-09T09:52:00.001-08:00

just finished watching

篮球火.

its hot shot and today the last ep came out.
fuck its such a fucking nice show i almost cried at the end.
why do dramas always show so touching scenes idc im gna buy the DVD version or DL the entire version onto my comp.

^^

good luck for paper tmr ju :)

2008-11-09T01:53:00.000-08:00

i came across this somewhere, but since i did love before, some of these pointers do actually make sense to me. if any of you readers can, i hope you'll take time to read it till the end :)

--"Hey, are you busy?" or "Are you doing something?" ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

--Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

--Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they're gonna say so there aren't awkward pauses, but once he's on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

--Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

--Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

--Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they're goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

--A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

--Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.

--Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

--Guys get jealous easily.

--Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.

--Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...nevermind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

--Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

--Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.

--Girls are guys' weaknesses.

--Guys are very open about themselves.

--It's good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don't let him wait too long.

--If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

--A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

--Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

--Guys will brag about anything.

--Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful.If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.

--No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

--Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

--Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

--Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn't notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

--Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy's confused, then we're all confused.

--Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

--Try to be as straightforward as possible.

--If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.

--If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

--When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

--When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

--Guys don't really have final decisions.

--If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

--If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you're with your boyfriend, he's probably jealous and likes you.

--When a guy tells you that you are beautiful, don't say you aren't. It makes them want to stop telling you because they don't want you to disagree with them.

--When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

--Guys like femininity not feebleness.

--Guys don't like girls who punch harder than they do.

--A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

--Don't be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

--Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

--Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

--Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

--If you are going to reject a guy, just do it. Don't say they are like a brother or just good friends, it just hurts even more. Tell them that you aren't interested in a relationship and they will respect you.

--Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

--A guy would give his left ball to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

--No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.

--Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesnt mean he represents ALL of us.

--We don't like girls who are too skinny.

--Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to..it may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and tell them about yours...

--Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs..

--Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it ..it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts...

--Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn't intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that...after you let him know a couple times.

--When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

hence im proud to say i truly did love you! but i have to say, it was partly for my own selfish gains as well. i was alone i was sad i needed someone to take care of and someone to take care of me :( but all's fine, till the day you see my orbituary printed in a small square, im quite certain, all i'll ever need is you. and like you tested on orbituary.com long ago, my orbituary will say, the cat will miss ju terribly. (and i dont mean louisblackcat, i mean meow meow meowvin soh!) im a jealous asshole haha kill me.

2008-11-09T00:39:00.000-08:00

There are 3 levels of diplomas offered by ABRSM and Trinity College at associate, licentiate and fellowship levels:

ABRSM	TCL	NQF comparison
DipABRSM	ATCL	1st year Bachelor degree or Certificate of higher education
LRSM	LTCL	Bachelor degree
FRSM	FTCL	Master’s degree or other Postgraduate qualification

The UK National Qualifications Framework (NQF) comparison shown reflects the demands of the diplomas only.

Prerequisites

For ABRSM, each level of diploma is a prerequisite to the next level and grade 8 practical is a prerequisite to the DipABRSM.

There are no formal prerequisites for ATCL and LTCL diplomas. LTCL is a prerequisite to FTCL.

Difference between ABRSM and TCL diplomas

Both well-recognised, the main difference between ABRSM and TCL diplomas is that ABRSM exams involve a separate section on Viva Voce and Quick Study.

All TCL exams do not involve Viva Voce and only ATCL Performance involves sight reading which is similar to Quick Study.

Note: Viva Voce is an oral section which may involve discussing the style, musical language, technical aspects and structure of the pieces performed during the exam.

IF I PASS FRSM it'll be same level as maksim and those world pianists! :D

but experience wise of course i'll lose out terribly la, but who cares its a freaking master's degree.

hope after BMT i'll kena store work den everyday can go home. i want a FRSM asap ^^ wish me

luck guys. i'll remember all of you hahahahaah esp you ju :)

P.S. side by side along my piano dream, i wanna have someone to protect and take care of as well. its almost a month since my breakup, but the person i have in mind is still you, ju :) whenever you're ready for relationships girl. i'll always be here. and if you decide someone else is better for you, i'll try my best to be happy for you, i promise. ^^ i know you have lots of uncertainties in life and all that, but when it all dies down and fades away, you'll definitely see me still waiting for you, if you still do have feelings for me :) i'll keep my options open, but you'll see how strong unwavering love can actually get! c:

till then! i'll always be here for you. dont forget to call if anything! :)

2008-11-07T21:31:00.000-08:00

am i that different

2008-11-07T12:51:00.000-08:00

if you saw how badly 'm crying now, would you feel anything at all? This is the second time 'm feeling like this in a month. "some girl who doesnt like you at all". Why couldnt you just fucking keep such stuff to yourself. Maybe 'm really dumb. Putting myself up and getting knocked down over and over again. Is it really more enjoyable, the life you have now, then the time when you had me by your side? We were so fucking special.

2008-11-07T09:40:00.000-08:00

1. dreamweaver.
2. html
3. photog
4. connections.

http://www.dummies.com/WileyCDA/DummiesTitle/Dreamweaver-8-For-Dummies.productCd-0764596497.html

http://www.amazon.com/Sams-Teach-Yourself-HTML-Hours/dp/0672328410/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1225872185&sr=1-1

http://www.amazon.com/Photography-9th-MyPhotographyKit-Barbara-London/dp/0131752014/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226079786&sr=1-5

i must fucking learn to be good in all these. whatever talents i have doesnt matter anymore,
all there is to it is living up to what can aid her. its not noble, im doing it for myself,for if she isnt happy i aint happy. so, yeah. i'll go borrow the books tomorrow.

they're all avail at bishan lib, but the photog book seems to be off the shelves already. aye, sian. see what substitutes i can find.

2008-11-07T02:17:00.000-08:00

math paper was a lil bit better,
but yeah at least its all over :)

i was fucking stressed this morning, damn stressed and all.
it was the first time i didnt listen to music on the way to school.
ju was very supportive, tried to make me feel better.
thanks ju :)
although you used hard and soft approach both at the same time!
hahah but yeah fuck a levels.
once i clear next wednesday,
and i get to have dinner with you again,
all'll be normal once again.

sean and the rest are staying over at his house next friday,
but i bet mummy wont allow me to.
its not about the stay, but yeah they're going prawning the next day.
pay 30 bucks to fish for prawns and then BBQ and eat them on the spot.
I've never dared to kill a prawn alive,
but yes. If you like to eat prawns (cause they claim its damn nice),
i'll bring you prawning too!
it'll be something like fishing but much less gross without all the worms and such! ^^

next wednesday maybe i'll take you to marks and spencer,
then to the coffeeshop at my school there.
the stuff there really is ALL damn nice.
till next wednesday then,
look forward to it!

im not asking for anything more,
this morning was enough for me.
i havent felt so sweetened for a really long time already.
and its that tingly tingly nice feeling,
all over again.

in the past,
i was inexperienced.
all my first times,
you had to take the initiative.
but this time,
its a fact that i NEED you.
you dont have to come back to me,
but this time i'll make all the initiatives.
its only correct,
because if i really long for something,
i have to put in my best to get it.
and if i ever do get to hold your hand again,
i'll cherish it with every bit of love i have in me.
i'll never EVER let you cry for me.

i think your mummy loves jack more.
but yeah if you ever feel that no one loves you like they should,
you're sorely mistaken.
i love you.
i'll dedicate to you all the time in my life,
i'll be there for you whenever you need me.
i'll protect you in all ways possible,
even if you dont say it.

its only one day since we last met,
but i miss you already,
and my heart is growing,
soon, my entire heart will be filled full of you.
im really heartened by the fact,
that i'll get to teach you piano.
and that means i get to see you very often ^^

if you would let,
i wanna watch the sunrise with you.
right after your lit paper.
i know its not really possible,
but i hope that after i bring you out,
you'll consider staying over.
i'll wake you up at 4.45am,
and we'll walk to the open field.
and watch the sunrise together.
i've never saw the sunrise before,
and i would like to share my first time,
only with you.

will you let me? :)

P.S. you could bring clothes to change into, we'll sleep abit more after the sunrise and then go meet sean tat peng ting jas! :)

but its all a fantasy, i hope it'll come true, with all of my heart ^^

2008-11-06T06:19:00.001-08:00

'm willing to give everything in my life just to be with you till the day time stops.

Then we'll be tgt, forever ^-^

thanks for feeding me its super sweet!
If you feed me 'll never refuse okay :)
I BET THE CORN SYRUP CONTENT ISNT THE TRUE REASON BEHIND DIABETES. ITS THROUGH THE FEEDING OF APPLE DIPPERS BY THE ONE YOU LOVE THAT TRIGGERS THE DIABETES VIRUS.
if thats the case, i wanna die by diabetes :)

and if loving you was a sin,
i think god should send me to hell cause i'll never ever stop sinning.

and finally, if i was dumb for being loyal,
i'll aspire to be dumb, dumber and dumberer. heh.

as long as you're happy, i'll smile, even in the face of death :)
and today, i shall make this clear.
i wanna live my life with you init! :D

and yeah,
since you already stole my heart,
i want you to keep it in a safe place!
thank you juju 831.

2008-11-05T06:33:00.000-08:00



		I will marry Tan Siew Boon.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Paris in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 3 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a pink Mazda RX-6.
		I will spend my days as a businessman, and live happily ever after.

alright i cheated on the i marry part. i only put up two names, tan siew boon and rachell. but the rest is really just random!

i think i'll be fucking happy if that all came true. maybe i'll leave the pink car for her haha. i'll take bus around town. but oh well, i know you'll be happier marrying someone else.

*sad!*

2008-11-05T04:07:00.000-08:00

i have blood in my shit.
but after i shitted, it was ideally a catharsis hahahahahaha

catharsis :

A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.

after an overwhelming shitting experience, it restores my health and mana. i feel so much better now. before this i felt PREGNANT. maybe i dont know what it feels like, but wtf! now my tummy feels so much freaking lighter. chem paper 3 tmr, im super unprepared. but whatever, i still have to worry about bloody math paper 2 on fri, and the econs tuition right after that.

just like my original blog quote, life sucks.
all the more without you by my side.
holding on,
pressing on,
i'll force myself to last till after the A's,
and i wont talk to you so much anymore.
i've been super teary these days,
all because i read the old posts.
i cant afford to communicate with you,
i'd cry.

and i guess its really quite enjoyable for you as well,
cause like im no longer disturbing you or irritating you haha.
i'll only text you to eat,
cause i think on sms,
you're way cuter and sweeter.

you make me smile everytime i think of you.
let me hold you again, sweetheart <3

im feeling quite badly screwed over by chem now.
if i could, i'd call you.
if i could, i'd ask you to hold me.
if i could, i'd ask you to not let my world fall apart again.

im probably having one of my fantasies again.

2008-11-04T18:23:00.000-08:00

i really feel that sometimes i'm quite useless.
i dont really know much stuff,
but i really will do it to my best
to learn as much as i can and to be able to make you happy more,
instead of stuff like hugs that make you feel even more irritated

im sorry.

i've 2 kinds of books waiting on the to-read list now :)

i'll improve myself as much as i can, i promise.
this time, i really mean it all.
after all, its much easier to read books on other stuff other than studying :)

misu.

2008-11-04T07:34:00.000-08:00

remember this?

"Then we went to stroll along the Singapore River :) It was really sweet okay and it felt really comfortable just walking with you. I wouldn't mind having Subway meals for the rest of the days of my life, walking along the Singapore River, screaming at occassional cats hidden at random spots on the bridge, trying to walk towards the unreachable clock tower, hearing you tell me abt live fishes, clams, crabs & craps on display when we pass by restaurants, hugging you though you think you're really sweaty, being cheated by you to do a shouldersit when you werent even gna lift me up, watching you laugh at me for every normal thing I do which you think is really amusing, avoiding black large suspicious looking objects inside the bushes, hiding in your warm embrace whenever I need protection, taking photos without flash so we're hardly visible (cause you like it), watching you being ego about your height cause I'm never gna reach your height and such and such!"

its so lovely i melt every single time i read it again and again.
i cried when i saw this, and thats probably why im not online.
i cant talk to you online, i cant.
i'm too emotionally unstable now, forgive me.
life without you has been horrible,
never have i once felt so lonely in my life.
honestly, to say that you define me,
is really an understatement.
you are my world,
my everything.
i miss those times where you fell asleep on me.
i miss those times we held hands and walked the entire clarke quay.
i miss the times we hugged when going down escalators.
and most of all, i miss the times where we were together.
i know that even if i wanna try,
i'll have to wait until after the A levels.
and i can promise you i'll control myself.
i no longer dare to look you in the eye and talk to you,
i fear i might just stroke your face and pull you in for a kiss.

if you want,
you can try checking if i do look at you.
stealing glances, yeah.
direct confrontation, hahaha hell no.
and its not because i dont love you,
but because i love you enough to respect you.

i love you ju.
i've learnt to let go now.
even though i still get the occasional tinge of jealousy,
i guess its only normal, no?

P.S. i still wanna be your kitty, and i still want you as my babygirl.

2008-11-03T18:50:00.000-08:00

as promised, im back :)

math was orgasmically fucked-up.
wanna fail they dont let you fail.
wanna get A, the heavy weightage questions so fucking difficult.
which idiot cares about maximum area of a FLOWERBED when the flowers are just gonna overgrow and like spill out of the fence?
and now im starting to respect bankers.
customer asks, hey, if i deposit 10 bucks a month + compounded 2% interest,
how much will i have after 2 years and how long will it take for me to reach 2k?
and the worst part is you cant tell them its too fucking complicated, nabei.
and so many many more.
alright im bored of booing the math paper.
i've got chem paper 3 in 1 days time and i havent started preparing.
and math paper 2 right after that.

on a not-so-examy note,
i was freaking late for the paper today.
like 15mins got shaved off.
and when i got in i spent like 15mins on qn1 stoning and trying to wait for me to stop sweating.
seriously, i wanna thank all the religions and all the gods who've been looking out for me.
thank you for letting me have her jacket haha else it've been worse.
After the sweating stopped i started feeling the wind in my bones
hahaha exaggerating but you get my point.

and i had really nice dreams last night.
i dreamt we spent the entire night talking and rambling on about unimportant stuff,
and we were super sweet and everything.
it was lovely i swear.
so enjoyable i refused to wake up till around 11.
i know its a dream,
but i dont really care.
its love that keeps me going,
even if its a dream,
at least i got to hold you again <3

i really miss holding you like fuck.
i know its a levels and she wont read my blog so i'll be more open ^^
the other day at the station when i tricked you and kissed you,
i smelt you hair again.
super nice, i loved it :)
that moment was probably the happiest moment throughout this year.
maybe its because i used to take for granted the fact i could kiss you anytime,
and now when i really have to work hard just for a chance like that,
i really feel much much happier.
it was sweet,
and that tingly feeling,
it came right back to me.
even though i didnt get to hold you,
didnt get to hold your hand,
didnt get to snuggle up close to you,
but i dont care.
the peck was lovely in itself.
i'd really withstand all of hell,
just to hold your hand again.
but i know love never comes easy.
if i want you,
i'll have to rightfully earn it back.
being seperated and not seeing you for so long,
really did make my heart fonder.
though the times were sour and sadness was all over me,
but i cheered up the instant i saw you again.
why're you so fucking cute?

the wonders of love.
what it can make people do,
and what it can make me do.
im yours to keep, anytime.
but if i must give my life,
i will.
if i get to have you by my side again.

i bought SHARK ENERGY DRINK on the way home cause its on sale, like 2 for $2 haha and now i cant even force myself to sleep its like my eyes feel like ive worn my contacts for the entire day and they're drying up. its like poking my eyes open when my brain is already half dead. haha. but thats great at least i get to study late :)

if i were to sum up my feelings now in 5 letters, it'd be:

imhys
i miss holding you sweetheart.

lots of love,
yours. <3

2008-11-03T04:29:00.000-08:00

i feel very very lost every time i lose contact with you.
please never leave my line of vision,
for i sincerely wanna look out for
and take care for you.

if you feel like crying, here's my shoulder.
if you feel like jumping for joy, here's my smile.
if you feel like screaming, here's my listening ear.
if you feel like you need love, im always here.

i am your melvin soh,
i am your more-than-a-friend friend,
i am the one who will hold you.
i am the one who will never let go.
i am the one who will always be by your side, no matter what happens.

no matter what you've done,
no matter what you intend to do in the future,
it doesnt matter to me.
all that i ever care about is you,
and everything about you.
what you do doesnt matter,
as long as you're happy,
and i get to see your smile again,
it suffices.

every single sentence you say to me,
leaves a deep impression in my mind,
and i strive to make you happy,
strive to make myself worth.

i no longer see any other girl in my eyes,
you're all i'll ever do for a girl.
so dont ask silly questions,
you're more than worth it all.

i know you need time,
but as long as you never leave my line of sight,
never disappear from my life,
i dont mind waiting till my end of time,
even if at the end of the line,
you say,
you never ever did love me.

i dont care what the others say,
for i honestly think,
just your smile,
and its all worth it.

regarding your entry,
i dont mind if its not meant for me,
but yup i'll still love you no matter what.
be strong be strong now,
i'll protect you wherever i can,
whenever i can.

2008-11-03T03:18:00.001-08:00

KNN i spent an hour stuck at this CB INTRO.
fuck a levels la.

the advancement of science over the ages, have indeed fuelled mankind's progress immensely. Science, in itself, encompasses a wide range of sub-categories, such as technology, biodiversity and excetra. Science has progressed in unlimited avenues possible, but this has been the growing precursor to the growing decline in religion. Indeeed, we live in a hedonistic society, where pleasure seeking takes centre stage. Many begin to feel there is no longer a need for religion, for science, all these while, has been churning up logical explanations for the illogical unsolved mysteries. However, this trend might not necessarily be the harbinger of doom for religion in the world. Religion, to some, is but an axiom, a form of common-sense.

KNN THEN TIO STUCK ALR FUCK.

2008-11-02T23:51:00.001-08:00

GP shouldnt have been so demoralising,
now i feel like retaking a levels.
everything seems so hopeless again.

-edit-
i dont need anyone to hold me, anymore.

2008-11-01T11:55:00.001-07:00

there is no longer hate,
and all that's left is love.

*hugs*

get well.

2008-11-01T03:58:00.000-07:00

at the end of the line, i still think im more interested in music.
be it history of music, appreciation of music and whatnots,
i hate chem and i hate physics.
why didnt SA introduce Music(H2) as a subject much earlier?

've been studying the entire day, and ive only gotten one part of a chem question done.
more of spending time on the piano and watching stitch's tutorials on youtube.
but will i make it in the music line?
i guess not.
pure interest really does not suffice,
for raw talent is much more recognised.
i took 8 years to attain my diploma,
whereas my mom just told me of this pri6 little girl,
who went under the tutorage of this piano teacher,
and made it to grade 7 in 2 years.
probably she's gonna enrol me under this dude.
hopefully things will move much faster.

i've played the piano for close to 14 years,
played the erhu for close to 7 years,
and none of that compares to the shit im getting from these 2 years of JC life.
undeniably, it was sweet that i managed to get myself a girlfriend for almost a year,
but the relationship did not free us in the least from the horrors of school life.
All the crazy rushes for university admissions,
i wonder,
where will CCCCD land me?
in my ass.
thats why,
ive resigned myself to fate,
and decided to start mugging.
for the '09 a levels.
at least i have 2 years of NS to cover up for the time.
maybe studying will finally interest me.
i have no interest in anything whatsoever now,
maybe a slight tinge of love for my piano,
but thats really all there is to it.

i no longer feel pain,
but thats not a good thing.
it means, im emotionless now,
you know why you're so weak?
because you lack hatred.

present tense : hit.
past tense : hurt.
current tense : hate.

hate is the strongest weapon anyone can ever have.
hate is what keeps us going.

we live,
because we hate.

2008-10-31T12:04:00.001-07:00

wake me up at 9 if any of you remembers haha

2008-10-31T11:08:00.001-07:00

i just reviewed mr stitch and yes i think the lessons are fucking worth it hahahah.

im gna persuade nick to buy super nice prom clothes and then i'll make him wash his prom clothes right after his prom and i'll borrow it all for WHICHEVER prom i wanna go to hahahahahah nice kang melvin soh.

too much beer causes liver failure. i have no intention to die young, yet. so maybe i wont drink. or maybe i will. hahahahah emokids die young. eh lets be the emo DMNY. im gna name our band of friends that hahahaha no way you're gna change my name into something with K just to make it DKNY. King maybe la, but knowing wenhao cause i conveniently termed him as DICK, i'll get something like KOK.

someone disable my internet.

2008-10-31T08:49:00.001-07:00

# cause with you, i'd withstand.
all of hell just to hold your hand.

Fucking sweet couldnt resist posting. Anyway i finally printed river flows in you and its still lousy but yeah in the process of perfecting. Maybe 'll become a piano god haha.

oh and bryon is having is theory grade 2 exam tmr morning, he's still unsure about some stuff i tested him, but worries aside, im sure he'll do fine. All the best!

2008-10-31T05:25:00.000-07:00

love is selfish. If you're not selfish in love, you obviously dont love enough. 'M crazy about that show, but fuck the last ep is on mon, when a levels start. And 'm fucking sleepy i havent done a single shit for the whole day except cut my hair. Seriously its an ohmyfuck situation

2008-10-30T18:28:00.000-07:00

eh wtf why are my lessons so ex?! Yanzhang's is like 180 for 10 lessons, mine is 4 lessons 188 zzz. Maybe learning different things la, but still freaking ex. Like 41/hr haha i guess 'll have to reconsider again. Sorry andre :x

on a random note i had a weird urge last night and i decided to go down to do pullups at like 3.24am haha. Fucking weak!!! I finished 20 in 4 sets. Really must train up liao. Yesterday night listen to yan tok about the wonders of beer i really super tempted to try alot one shot sia haha. nabei if only my weight din drop. But since i slimming halfway i think cannot drink too much later jitao got a cb beer belly.

Haha see after a's got money anot first lol fuck fuck fuck. I really need alot of money sia. Rashes come back liao omg why exam always like that. And everyone is going for prom i feel super out of place la. but prom nid so much money plus spend money to let people criticize really is super wasted. dun feel like going shall go crash yaoyang's/nick's/wenhao's prom HAHAHAHA.

anyway, theartofmusic has moved! its at novena gardens(phew) which is much more accessible for me! :D

i know im not supposed to, but im tempted to. bleah.

lets wait for bleach and naruto at 3.30, it'll help me keep my mind off things

2008-10-29T12:43:00.001-07:00

must sleep at 4 am.
now, who's nocturnal?

2008-10-29T09:55:00.001-07:00

www.theartofmusic.com.sg

where the fuck is united house anyway and how do i get there?

train to dhoby, walk for 390m.

THAT IS FREAKING FAR. BUT ITS ALL WORTH IT HAHAHAH.

i hope they'll put me under Stitch :D

yanzhang started classes at oschool like 6 weeks ago and he didnt tell me, asshole.
but hahahahah yeah he's learning basic hip-hop. Chest dislocation, sounds like popping and locking leh. hahahaha eh so many courses how the fuck i pay for everything.

maybe i wont take wildcards alr hah. 162 + 180 = 342/mth. Plus expenses like impending genting and chalets and the many many stayovers, i have to get a job thats like freelance, and earns me at least 600 a month hahaha. given that i work only mon-fri, 30 per day. hahahah macs work whole day ah what the FUCK. once again, lets leave it to fate. If i got stuff to occupy myself with, i wont work. maybe just a lil. hahahah but yeah im looking forward to life after A's! cause theres only two options, moan and whine, or heads up and enjoy. hahaha eh both sound dull but its better then the exam im gna sit for in 4 days time. what the cb!

after a levels man, after a levels. OH WHAT THE FUCK why cant i teach piano? omg one month per student maybe 200? 3 students, 4 and a half hour a week, 600 fucking dollars. gotta thank my mom and dad again hahahahahahhhahahahahah.

guys, lets get wasted :D
(without drinking and smoking fags)
hahahah idk how we're gonna do that but
i dont care.
lets sit in the field and talk cock and watch the sunrise.
who cares if its gay,
we ALL dont have girls to watch the sunrise with,
so who the fuck cares?
hhahahahaha super high i think i'll rape one of you soon :D
watch out faggots,
im strong :D

you know,
that that dont kill me, can only make me stronger?
just like uchiha itachi once said,
"you lack hatred".

hello,
FUCK YOU ALL :D

p.s. i'm pretty out of my league today, pardon me hahahah.

2008-10-29T05:29:00.001-07:00

im leaving it all to fate.
whats not mine will never be mine.
let me never be lost ever again.
i shall entrust my life into your hands,
i'll never gamble with fate,
for i know,
fate never loses.

i'll keep faith,
in fate.

2008-10-28T19:40:00.000-07:00

here's to you, if you understand chinese.

MC HOTDOG - 母老虎

1. get back erhu from vincent.
2. finish a level spec paper 2007 after econs tuition.
3. chem and physics after finishing (2)
4. sleep by 2.

i wanna finish at least 1 full chem paper and 1 full physics paper.

- i'm still here, call me if you need me.
- if i cant even hold out till after A levels, maybe we werent built to last after all.

2008-10-28T02:37:00.000-07:00

TILL AFTER A LEVELS,

pussyface.

2008-10-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

Jonas asked, "do you love her?"

my answer is that if I love her and I want to change and carry on the r/s, even if it means hell for me, and like giving in all the time, i will do it.

Yes i do.

love outweighs anger anytime.

out of love, i've cleared everything.

i most honestly want to talk to you, and i feel like we should work things out before things get messy and complicated, please meet me for a talk and don't be so overbearing please. i just want you to know that i love you, and i'm willing to change, and love you even more. but please just have to listen to what i have to say, so we'll be able to understand one another even better.

i know my princess is waiting for me out there,
i know she's the one for me,
and i know that princess is you.

we may have many many problems now,
but im sure that as long as you love me,
and i love you,
no matter what happens,
we'll be able to straighten it all out.

till today,
i still know we were made for each other.
that wont ever change.

whichever guy likes you,
whatever you do for him.
However shitty i may feel,
it all boils down to trust all over again.

Jonas smiled and said, "You only call when you need me." says:
if you love the person, go for it
Jonas smiled and said, "You only call when you need me." says:
if not, then don't
Jonas smiled and said, "You only call when you need me." says:
if not sure, time will tell
Jonas smiled and said, "You only call when you need me." says:
that's the 3 simple steps

i love you,
so i'll go for it.
thanks for the motivational poster,
i'll work hard.

im sorry for being over-demanding.
im fucking sure i love you,
ive asked myself that question a million times over.
at the end,
its always love for you,
the unconditional love,
that makes me grow as a person.

simply put, life is a process, and everyone should have had to experience depression and regret and guilt. we both had our fair share of it. If you could, i would like to have you back by my side, and re-live all the wonderful moments we shared, over and over again, minus all the depression and sadness. your motivational poster did hurt me, but thanks anyway. I'll take that as a learning point, in my journey, to become the person closest to your heart, that no one can ever replace.

i love you.

2008-10-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

THIS IS FUCKING FUNNY, GOOD TO DESTRESS! HOPE YOU'LL LIKE IT ^^

飆高音系列(1) - 小豬飆高音的樣子(21-5-06)

飆高音系列(2) - 30/9小豬笑瘋了！

飆高音系列(3) - 小豬再次笑倒

飆高音系列(4) - 小鐘殺雞般的飆高音

飆高音系列(5) - 小鐘變了rocker

飆高音系列(6) - tomi之飆不到音

DONT FORGET TO CHECK THE 2 VIDEOS BELOW TOO :)

2008-10-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

THIS IS A JOURNEY INTO SOUND.

音浪太强不晃会被撞到地上
音浪太强不晃会被撞到地上
音浪太强不晃会被撞到地上
音浪太强不晃会被撞到地上

hahahahahah i'm addicted to this song :)

小豬模仿黃立行"音浪" hahahaha he's an asshole :D
makes the song uber literal he really goes and 晃 hahahaha i love him, so freaking funny ^^

stillloveyouthemost:)

2008-10-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

've lost everything from my life. The more you commit the more you get hurt. No wonder some only wish to recieve love but never to return the love. Nick yy and wenhao, thanks for being there for me almost all the time. I know you all have commitments too, but yeah thanks for standing by me even though i was an ass to you all in the past. Heres to you, my 3 best friends :) too bad la yy entering in jan, but its okay, at least 've friends now and nick's going in in april so 'm gna train up pass my napfa we're gna become super gay friends. Haha thanks guys, if not for you all 'd have died 2 weeks ago :) true friends are for you to keep. Thank god i actually have 3 of them :) all is not lost, at least i still have my friends! Haha'm happy again bleah i sound gay but wdv! :D

2008-10-25T01:26:00.000-07:00

if this makes you albeit happier sweetheart :)

Good afternoon Mr SOH YAN RU, MELVIN.

Your enlistment date is on 13-Mar-2009. Your reporting unit is TRAINING LIST BASIC MILITARY TRAINING CENTRE SCHOOL 1.

yay! if i pass my napfa i'll be in around 27-Mar-2009 :) and out by 27-Jan-2011 :D:D

more time with you is just too lovely to imagine ^^

2008-10-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

hello coonieju! :D

i brought you marshmallows today! :D and i had to rest like 3 times before reaching! though its not entirely cause of the distance haha. i sort of tried to shortcut ended up at some drain LOL. but yup she's happy, and so am i.

im kinda very worried about a levels now, dont know if i'll even pass :S but that doesnt matter much. For now, genting trip beckons! haha. i even sent a mail to the travel company. I hope all 8 of us (me, you, ting, jas, feipeng, tat, sean & yy) all can make it! 1 day in genting and 2 days in berjaya times square :D

genting 1 day theme park should be enough haha :) its just like ESCAPE theme park, but the thing is, at least its coldcold up there, sounds really exciting :D:D plus the long bus ride and so on, we'll all be able to bond like super well! And i tell you, berjaya times square is TOO FREAKING BIG. got too many things to shop already. Probably too ex, but i know girls love to shop, so yeah, why not stay an extra day there? And i swear, the theme park there may be smaller then genting, but its freaking cool also. Super roller coasters and swings.

haha we guys can go play you girls go shop :) and the hotel rooms there are superb there's even a gym there where we can work out at :D

The tour agency hasnt replied yet (of course since i sent the mail at 2.15am), but predictions are that we'll have to spend around S$500/pax. S$200 for the trip and lodging, 300 for our own spending and stuff. If you're a real saver like some kueh we know, then maybe it'll be S$300 total haha :) but whatever, its my trip before army. I think i'll take a loan from mummy and daddy. Pay them back during army :) Once again, i hope ALL of us can make it ^-^

LALALALAA im really hyper now, like going crazy. Cause you asked me to teach you piano, and the best thing is i'll get to see you everyday! I hope i can teach you smth nice before we arrive at genting, so you can make me proud of you :D You'll be able to play like the picture! *points* Whatever the case, i think life after the a levels is gna be damn freakin fun ^^ Genting, teaching you piano, wildcards, running, lose weight. WALAO SCREW A LEVELS I SHOULD JUST RETAKE NEXT YEAR HAHAHAHA.

AND OMG my waist shrunk. hahahahahahi hope this carries on! and if i dont remember wrongly, i think genting has this tobbogan attraction and the weight limit is like 65 or 62. The last time i saw it, i was like 70+ :X im gonna put that as my dream and sit that ride! Darling, you should try it, its really fun. I think its called Thunder mountain or smth. Its this go cart vehicle you sit in, and the rollers on the side roll you all the way to the top and so on. And there's gonna be roller coasters bumper cars crazy attractions ! :D although i think most of the time we're gonna spend it queueing up for the rides, but IDC! as long as i get to spend alot alot of time with you, i love it :D

Anyway, im really sorry i flared up yesterday, i just got really pissed about some stuff i feel we should not bring up. Move on :) I'll accept ALL of your friends and co-exist with them, so dont you worry. I'm still gonna pick you up on 19th nov, so yeah. Leave that day for me! Give me some time, but i've got a very bad feeling i wont be able to let go till the point i wont get jealous even when you go out 1on1 with a guy :S if i didnt feel anything i guess it'd reflect really badly on how much i actually love? aye haha put that aside, i'll learn as i go along. Theres really alot i can learn from this whole year with you, i thank you for everything, really ^^

Its almost 3 now, you've gone to bed already and im really happy. IDK why, but seriously when i see you resting well, taking care and/or eating well and happy, i'll be really happy. Even happier then when good things happen to me. Aye, but yeah its a nice feeling to be happy for someone, so i wont stop. Today when i got to see you, even for that fleeting moment, i felt my heart melt again. Its wonderful that i got a glimse of you. Makes my heart feel so much lighter. Now im regretting deleting our pictures. Now i know we wont get them back again, its so heart-wrenching :( BUT ON A HAPPIER NOTE, I BRUSH MY TEETH 6 TIMES A DAY EVERYDAY! but i think its the inside that's yellow. I'll just keep it up, hopefully i'll be able to whiten it as much as i can, get the whitening job when i got the money haha ^^

I have no mood to study i just wanna spend the rest of my life taking care of you :)
Bleah why couldnt i have been born as your maid? Taking care of you for life, unconditional, not expecting any rewards and looking after each and every of your needs. If i were i wouldnt take the pay every month! :)

Daddy got me a necklace charm thing for good luck and it looks quite stylish i think it could be an accesory! :X you know, i hold it everyday and pray for you and me! ^^

Sorry k this is a VERY long post, uber wordy too! but its okay i really have so much to say :X Sorrysorry! :)

1. im glad we managed to stay so happy even though we dont meet :)
2. its true, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
3. i know you're not having good sleep, hearing voices and all that. Its cause you're too stressed and over-insecure. I pray sincerely for your safety. I'd give my life for you to be happy and i mean it.

*points up* guess why i stopped at number 3? i have lots more to say! but 3 is special. As in, the "3" in 3rd and "3" in 831 and "3" in its 3am now and "3" in <3 and so much more! ^^

i hope i'll be the one who can provide you with an entire lifetime of happiness and love, and never let you cry ever again.

P.S , i love you ju. <3
and i miss you an awful lot but im controlling myself.

2008-10-23T09:32:00.001-07:00

you should be very very happy that im so in love with her.
if i wasnt willing to do everything and anything for her,
i would have fallen out with her,
and raped your sorry little cocky ass,
a million times over.

"watch your words, i have my limits".
i shall not bother to elaborate how childish some people are.
they say taekwondo is an ethical sport, where peace is preferred over violence.
hence the art of self-defence.
picking fights so easily,
all in the name of TAE-KWON-DO?
you've disgraced the sport, very badly,
not to mention maris stella.

do thank siew for everything,
for she's been the only one protecting you,
from anything i wouldve done.

i'll step down,
as many times as need be.
no matter how pissed or how much you decide to fuck-around,
i'll give in.
not because im scared,
but because i love siew,
and i want her to have no worries.

all i can do now, is treat you like you dont exist, for NSKs, are really not worth my time.

heres to you.
count your blessings to have met siew, for if she didnt exist,you'd be dead and i'd be in jail.

2008-10-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

damn funny.

HYPOCRITES AT PLAY.

comparing :

"you should totally sleep more"
&
"thanks for all the wakeup calls"

hahaha ask people to wake you up then tell them should sleep more.

the world sure is a weird place :)

2008-10-22T03:26:00.001-07:00

teeth whitening is 850-1000 SGD.

put some CHEEBYE WHITE CREAM ON YOUR LANJIAO TEETH ALSO 1k. like that dentists earns millions one month la.

seriously, must work for how long sia?
FUCK.

tmr go see dentist see how first. for now go chiong colgate whitening and pia listerine twice a day. hope will become whiter.

2008-10-22T02:55:00.000-07:00

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
aiya my whole life all her la

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
yea

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
you ll suffer soon

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
and im proud to say i have stayed tt way ever since

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
y

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
dun wry

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
trust mi

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
sorry ah bro

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
you ll suffer alot

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
alot

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
we 2 very sweet one

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
alot

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
thts the problem

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
y

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
we like going 1 yr alr la

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
later it suddenly disappears frm ur life

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
then ppoooop

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
lol?

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
v empty'

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
touchwood la

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
yes

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
love is not forever

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
bro dun say cock like tis

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
love is forever

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
no!!

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
it is la

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
theres bound to be errors

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
errors = neverlastiong

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
at ur age

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
dats why we need to give in to one another

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
first error will be army

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
my cousins all nvr make it thru the 2 yrs

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
noono

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
take care

in-castable(<[{noobFaye}]>) - with great power, comes hot bitches. lols. says:
haha

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
different

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
your cousins and me

R's ♥ gh shubbycake ! 831. says:
different

this convo
brings back the memories.
how childish.

i've always wanted to say this to you fabian, so heres a big " FUCK YOU " to you :)

to all those idiots out there who think true love/love forever doesnt exist, another " FUCK YOU " to you all :)

i'll show you all, true love and stuff like till death do us part EXISTS . (at least for me)

i may have failed, but i have loved you from the start.
dont we all love being fussed over and taken care of? :)

2008-10-21T21:40:00.000-07:00

need to :
1. Have white teeth
2. Lose fat
3. Stay busy
4. Stop yearning.
5. Do smth about personal outlook
6. Plan genting! :D

hello hello 'm gna be going to my dentist tmr to see how i can whiten my teeth! Then 'm gna make myself more presentable so my friends wont be ashamed of such a friend like me! Cheer, run, gym and so on. And then, 'm gna stay very very busy so i wont long or feel sad about anything ^-^ lastly, 'm gna plan genting before i go serve the country! MUST ENJOY MYSELF cause when go into army no more friends :(

2008-10-21T09:41:00.000-07:00

After A levels, im gna go crazy.

- wildcards
- runs
- genting

one spirit, one sound, and one call from the wild.

now no one will think im a pussy for joining cheerleading hahahaha.

anyway, i hope you do read this. beyond all that whatevers im gna do,

your love is all i'll ever need. i'll hold on to my faith but as long as it takes, as long as i can.

if it takes till the day they leave your side, i'll be here. as always. when you feel there's no one to talk to, theres always me.

i know they can give you more happy moments then i can, but i hope when these happy moments fade and they move on, i'll still be here for you.

2008-10-21T00:39:00.000-07:00

i have once again, managed to cool myself down and removed the angsty post that would've made the dog look useless, once again. I hope my streak continues i wanna be a nice guy too hahahaha

2008-10-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

study hard. Never together but always together haha wtf syy and milk!

2008-10-19T19:00:00.000-07:00

it wasnt an accident to love. I swear. I hope its just that way, where stress affected us in all ways possible.

11am, 19th november, marine vista, catch you there.

- and tonight, its only you and me (3 doors down - here without you)

sleep tight.

I swear 'll make everything alright again, keep faith, my dear. Keep faith.

For now, PLS MUG LIKE A CB DOG! MUG LIKE A CB CAT MUG LIKE FUCK LA.

P.S. Your scene girl photos are rly pretty.

phone blogging give no punctuation whatsoever. sucks.

2008-10-19T02:42:00.000-07:00

'm here without you baby, i still dream about you all the time. -edit- forget all that anger of mine, i still want you. 'Ll be back for you soon. Dont forget me. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Dogs are man's best friend. Thats why its always the best friend who gets the girl. At least 'll try.

2008-10-16T06:16:00.000-07:00

bad headache, bad stomach, yellow stools, horrible fever. Hope eno helps. Yellow shit is scary. On a brighter note, you're really sweet! ^-^ you didnt need to, but you bothered to thank me for my care and love for you. Thanks that really made my day. Its unconditional, but that statement really really made me smile, and kept me going despite everything else that's happening. I know its no promises, haha but idc i wont stop caring till you start loving someone else :) 'll stay up with her tonight, it makes me happy just talking to her :) as long as it takes, i'll press on. I hope you dont find me irritating :(

2008-10-15T09:05:00.000-07:00

somehow, if i disappeared from your life, all that sorrow would disappear too. He's so sweet 'm such a burden oh well. I should disappear. You'd be happier, definitely.

2008-10-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

i'll be your best friend
your listening ear
the person you can always turn to
the person you can trust with your secrets.

in turn,

you'll be my best friend
my source of ranting
the person i can always look for
the person i can relate to.

for now, we'll be best friends
till the day, everything clears ^^

2008-10-14T04:18:00.000-07:00

the storm is getting violent,
everyone is confused.

but do not get sad or feel bad,
when people care for you.
for people care for you,
because they love you.
whether friendly or boyfriendly,
this kind of care,
must never be pushed aside.
to know that people care,
is a wonderful feeling.

when my guy friends ask about me,
i feel happy.
not that im gay,
but at least i have friends,
that really care.

i'll continue caring for you.
i'll show you,
you'll be happy with me,
and only me! :D

:) :)

if youre happy and you know it, give me a smile :) please ?

but my love for you is nothing less than boyfriend love.

my head hurts does anyone still care

2008-10-14T03:54:00.000-07:00

tell me if you need me ,
for i'll be there for you.

but if you do not require me,
i'll let you forget me.

i will return and leave,
only at your call.

how long will i be at your beck and call?
only time and patience can tell.

even the mere-est of nuances,
can make love sweet again.
the night is cold, but my heart is warm.
for you bothered to leave that smile behind your message to me.

i'm but a mere shadow in your life.

2008-10-14T02:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes, i wonder.

if i did disappear from your life, would you miss me?

would you bother searching for me,

or would you just forget me :\

2008-10-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

j

i think this is really sweet :) awww ^^

GOOD MORNING! :) 'M doing physics now, but i really dont have confidence in any subject at all eh :x but never mind that, i find more pride and joy in loving you ^-^ i hope you have enough rest :) silly sweetheart! :D

just to let you know, 'll be your friend now. But here,you'll always still be my only love alright! Anyway, dont give up on the a levels, you've already endured till now. Just do your best, 'm sure you'll do fine. If at any point you decide you wna retake, 'm still always here for you, 'm sure i wont make it too. I dont mind studying another year! As long as theres you :D

hugs

2008-10-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

i'll stay up with you everynight if i can, just to make sure, i'll be the last person to wish you goodnight, to be the person who cared the most, and stayed up just to wish you a lovely night of slumber. i wanna let you know, i still love you the most. no one can ever take your place, no one.

i know i promised to put my feelings for you hidden away, and take them out again after the A's,
but you know me.
theres no way i can do that.
all i can do,
is care for you and be there for you
as much as i can,
and love you without being with you.
we may have moved on,
but i have loved you from the start.
i'll never stop loving you,
all i fear is the pain,
the pain when i go to serve the country.
and never get the chance to care for you
as much as i can now.
i really hoped i would be able to see you,
you decline,
but i know how you feel.
it feels awful,
but i hope,
you'll miss the days you slept on me
during all the bus rides we shared,
particularly those long winding roads,
where i held you close to me.
i know that,
i'll miss your lips and your lovely scent,
after all that time we spent together.
please let me see you soon,

i miss you.

i hope this will only be temporary,
for i cannot do without you.
life without you,
is not worth living for.

i love you.

- i did not rip this off anywhere, it just came, all from the heart.

on a happier note, my aircon is on the rain mode , you know the water-droplet? and it feels so much like genting. i really hope we'll be back together again. i wna spend this trip, with you, my love.

2008-10-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

the dust has already settled,
we're all ready to move on.

lets strive hard for the a levels,
i'll be back for you right after that,
i promise.

meanwhile, i'll still always be there, like you said.

2008-10-12T03:24:00.003-07:00

i read the lyrics of the song 'hero' again. I dont know if baby feels the same, but i felt very strongly towards every single sentence. Lyrics are down the page.

Baby,
Would you cry if you saw me cry?
would you save my soul tonight?
Would your tremble, if my lips touched yours ?
I hope you'll come hold me tonight .

:) i love you.

2008-10-12T03:24:00.000-07:00

baby asked me if i was feeling better! Omg 'm really happy :) at least darling still cares 'm really heartened by that.

on another note, I dont feel like taking care of myself idk why, probably cause i do everything only for baby. I dont think my parents even have time to care about my well-being, so why bother, haha. I hope she'll be fine by herself cause i think she'll only get pissed if i appear in front of her. All i can do is just tell her to take good care of herself while i rot away haha. :X

I fell asleep just now, and i dreamt baby told me , "ju, will you just take care of yourself for my sake?" hey i seriously woke up smiling eh. It was a really sweet dream :) if baby really did say that i'd probably agree and melt on the spot its too sweet alr haha. I hope i see baby soon, maybe 'll tail her someday :x

yes 'm desperate for babytooth!! :D

i hope she never gets to read this i sound so loser! :\